Entries 275 - 251

ENTRY # 275
DATE:  08/06/07 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  Toooooo Hot to Write!

     Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know. I still haven't posted the entry all about my vacation. I will one of these days, but, lately, it's just been WAY too hot to write...
     When the temperature reaches 85 or 90 degrees outside, my computer room (the room farthest away from my air-conditioner) turns into a friggin' sauna. In fact, right now, as I sit here writing this, it's 91 degrees in this room. It's very uncomfortable... and I just don't have the patience to sit in here typing with sweat pouring down my back. It makes me a tad cranky, so I avoid the computer all together.
     Oddly enough, for some reason, this is also the same room that gets the coldest in the winter. Although, in the winter time, I can always "bundle up." There's always more clothes to put on.... but, seriously, in heat like this, I can only get so naked, y'know what I mean? There's nothing else I can take off, but I'm still sweating. Gross!!!
     I did manage to get the outline done at work last week when David was at the convention. That's definitely a step in the right direction, at least. So... as soon as this damn heat-wave breaks the vacation story will be posted.
     Ciao for now!


ENTRY # 274
DATE:  08/04/07 (Saturday)
SUBJECT:  $5.78 a Pack? Ouch!!!

     OK... damn... I just stopped at my neighborhood "Seven-Eleven" convenient store for a pack of cigarettes and it cost me $5.78. The pack I bought last week was only $4.85. That's a 93-cent(s) increase in a week's time. This is bullshit...
     I think I just bought my LAST pack of cigarettes.


ENTRY # 273
DATE:  08/01/07 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Quote, Unquote (Stephen King)...

     "Kids, fiction is the truth inside the lie, and the truth of this fiction is simple enough: the magic exists."

     "On writing -- a matter of exercise. If you work out with weights for 15 minutes a day over a course of ten years, you're gonna get muscles. If you write for an hour and a half a day for ten years you're gonna turn into a good writer.... In a way I'm in therapy every day. People pay $135 an hour to sit on a couch. I'm talking about the same fears and inadequacies in my writing.... I write for that buried child in us, but I'm writing for the grown-up too. I want grown-ups to look at the child long enough to be able to give him up. The child should be buried."

     "People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy --- and I keep it in a jar on my desk."

     "Whenever I publish a book, I feel like a trapper caught by the Iroquois. They're all lined up with tomahawks, and the idea is to run through with your head down, and everybody gets to take a swing. They hit you in the head, the back, the ass, the balls..."

     "I first learned the Maine way of speaking -- which outsiders sometimes label Maine wit or Down East wit -- from my grandfather, Guy Pillsbury. Once, when I was five or six, and chattering away to him about something or other I considered vitally important, Daddy Guy leaned forward in his rocking chair, fixed me with his bleary left eye (it had been wounded somehow in a logging accident, and the bottom hung loose and red -- a fascinating if somewhat dreadful sight for a small boy), and said: Teachin' you to talk might've been a bad idear, Stevie -- ev'ry time you open your mouth, all your guts fall out."

     "I don't take notes; I don't outline; I don't do anything like that. I just flail away at the goddamned thing.... I'm a salami writer. I try to write good salami, but salami is salami. You can't sell it as caviar."

     "French is the language that turns dirt into romance."

     "God is cruel. Sometimes He makes you live."

     "Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty."

     "The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool."

     "We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones."

     "We do live in the middle of a mystery. Y'know, we do live in a world where we go through most of our lives saying, I see faces in the bushes because of my imagination, but - every now and then - we're forced to the idea that maybe I see faces in the bushes because there really are faces in the bushes."

     "I want to thank you all for coming... and I think we'll have a pretty good time for people who are all gonna die some day. I'm gonna read you this story, but - before I do - I just want to remind you of a couple of things. The first is... we're all in here together now and we're fairly safe, but later on you'll have to go to your cars. And it will be dark. And there are mad people in the city, we know that. It's just a fact of life. And, I don't want to scare you unduly, but... there could be somebody in your back seat. It's not likely, but you gotta admit, it is possible. And you wouldn't wanna be driving home and you look in your rear-view mirror and see somebody back there, would you? So... check. What does it hurt? It doesn't hurt to check!
     The other thing is, I'd like you to take a moment now, before I begin reading this story, to ask yourself one question -- did I leave the shower curtain open or closed? And if you feel that you left the shower curtain open, and it's closed when you get back, I suggest you get out of your place in a hurry. I don't wanna scare you unduly but... these things have to be considered."


ENTRY # 272
DATE:  07/31/07 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  Nine Words/Phrases Women Use...

1. Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. "Five minutes" is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine."

4. Go Ahead:  This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5. A Loud Sigh:  This isn't actually a word, but it IS a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about "nothing." (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks:  A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say "You're welcome."

8. Whatever:  This is basically a woman's way of saying "$%#@ YOU!!!"

9. Don't worry about it, I got it!:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" (For the woman's response refer back to #3.)


ENTRY # 271
DATE:  07/27/07 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Red Sox Trivia...

 1.  By what nickname was the AL Boston club known as when they won the first World Series championship in 1903?

 2.  In the 1912 World Series, the Red Sox faced the New York Giants, managed by the legendary John McGraw. Who was the manager of the Red Sox?

 3.  Which former Red Sox general manager was nicknamed "Cocky" during his playing days?

 4.  Which "Hall of Famer" was the manager of the Red Sox in 1946, when they won the American League pennant?

 5.  Who won 25 games for the Red Sox in 1949?

 6.  Which member of the Red Sox won the American League batting title in 1960 by hitting .320?

 7.  Which Major League franchise did Red Sox legend Ted Williams manage after his playing days?

 8.  What is the real first name of former Red Sox slugging infielder Rico Petrocelli?

 9.  Which member of the Red Sox was unanimously selected the American League Rookie of the Year in 1972?

10.  Who led Red Sox relievers with 15 saves in 1975?

11.  Which of these Major League players has never played for the Red Sox:  Don Baylor, Bobby Bonds, Mike Easler, or Bob Watson?

STAY TUNED!!! Answers will be posted in approximately two weeks!


ENTRY # 270
DATE:  07/24/07 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  Vacation Entry Coming Eventually...

     OK, I know I said my "Vacation Report" would be up by the weekend, but - as you can see - that didn't happen. I've been too busy reading. Ever since I finished Anna Karenina, I've been reading ferociously. After suffering for two months with Tolstoy, it feels SO GOOD to be reading books again that I actually enjoy, I just can't stop. It's like I'm in "reading overdrive" or something, LOL...
     Since last Monday (the 16th) I've read Stephen King's "Blaze," "The Divide" by Nicholas Evans, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" by J.K. Rowling, and I'll be finishing "Smoke Jumpers" (another Nicholas Evans novel) tonight. So, um, that's a total of 1,543 pages in only nine days. I've been busy, LOL.
     The next book on my reading agenda is "The Lonesome Gods," by Louis L'Amour, but - I promise - I'll work on my "vacation story" before I start reading that one. My boss is leaving tomorrow morning for our company's yearly convention, and he'll be gone until Monday, so I'll probably be able to get at least the basic outline done during the next couple of days while I'm at work. So - HOPEFULLY (knock on wood) - the vacation report will be posted by this coming weekend. If not before, then sometime during. That's the plan as of right now, anyway.
     Wish me luck...


ENTRY # 269
DATE:  07/18/07 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Belated Birthday Wishes...

     Yikes!!! I just glanced up at my calendar on the wall and realized I totally "spaced out" my friend Steve's birthday. It was on Monday, July 16th. Good grief. I hate it when that happens.
     I send him an email every year wishing him a "Happy Birthday," and he always sends me a reply that usually says something like, "You remembered! Thanks!! You're the best!"
     Well, shit... now I feel like a complete ass 'cause I forgot this time 'round. And the gigantic, bright red "SJS B-day!" notation on my calendar (RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK) isn't helping any. Dammit!!!
     So, as I hang my head in shame, I'd just like to say:

Happy Belated Birthday, Steve!
Hope you had a great day!!!


ENTRY # 268
DATE:  07/16/07 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  Vacation Report COMING SOON!!!

     Hi again! Just a quickie for now...
     I know I said I'd be back in about two weeks, but it's taking me longer than expected to return to a normal schedule. My vacation was awesome though!!! There will be a full report coming soon. I'm gonna try to write the whole story over the weekend.
     Until then, I've got a LOT of reading to do this week, so I probably won't be online much. I'm still trying to get through Anna Karenina... I've only got about twenty pages left so I plan on finishing it tonight -- FINALLY!!! And then, as soon as I finish with Tolstoy, I have to start Stephen King's new one ("Blaze") immediately in order to finish it in time for the release of the last Harry Potter book (due out on July 21). So... phew!... there won't be much "free time" left for the computer this week.
     And, I also have approximately 725 vacation photos to sort through, LOL. I have no idea how I'll ever be able to decide which ones I want to post here. Wish me luck...
     Ciao for now!


ENTRY # 267
DATE:  06/26/07 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  Busy, Busy, Busy!

Hiya, Gang...
     Just wanted to let all my loyal "Dish Fans" know that there won't be any new entries for about two weeks. Between getting all my housework done this week, and Ana (my friend in Mexico) staying with me next week during our vacation(s), I don't expect to have any free time at all for this computer until after she leaves. So, chances are good, you won't be hearing from me until sometime after July 7th.
     I managed to get all the laundry done (clothes, towels, bedding) at my Mom's over the weekend, and I cleaned the bedroom last night after work... but, I still have to deal with the living room, kitchen, computer room, and bathrooms. Plus, I somehow have to squeeze in grocery shopping too. Goody, goody! NOT!!! Since it's already Tuesday, I have no idea how I'll be able to get everything done in time. This is what I get for not finishing my Spring cleaning months ago, I guess. Oh well. That's life.
     And, to make matters even worse, it's 90 degrees in this apartment right now. Good grief!!! I have to clean in this heat??? This sucks!
     Anyway, this is it out'a me for a while. Once my vacation is over, I'll be back... and I'm sure - at that point - I'll have some interesting stories, as well as photographs to share with y'all!
     Ciao for now!!!


ENTRY # 266
DATE:  06/22/07 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

A Mother...

A Mother is one who
understands the things
you say and do...

Who always overlooks
your faults and sees the
best in you.

A Mother is one whose
special love inspires you
day by day.

Who fills your heart with
gladness in her warm
and thoughtful way.

A Mother is all these things
and more - the greatest
treasure known.

And the dearest Mother in
all the world is the one I
call my own.


ENTRY # 265
DATE:  06/19/07 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  "Young Frankenstein: The Musical"

Woohooooo!! THIS JUST IN (from Broadway.com):

     Young Frankenstein:
     It's alive! Mel Brooks' wickedly funny twist on Mary Shelley's classic story comes to the Broadway stage.
     When Frederick Frankenstein, an esteemed New York brain surgeon and professor, inherits a castle and laboratory in Transylvania from his grandfather, deranged genius Victor Von Frankenstein, he faces a dilemma. Does he continue to run from his family's tortured past or does he stay in Transylvania to carry on his grandfather's mad experiments reanimating the dead and, in the process, fall in love with his sexy lab assistant Inga?
     Based on the hit 1974 film, Young Frankenstein unfolds in the forbidding Castle Frankenstein and the foggy moors of Transylvania Heights. The show's raucous score includes "The Transylvania Mania," "He Vas My Boyfriend" and the unforgettable treatment of Irving Berlin's "Putting On the Ritz."
     Starring:
     Roger Bart as Dr. Frederick Frankenstein -- Bart is best known for his Tony Award-winning performance as Snoopy in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown and for originating the role of Carmen Ghia in The Producers.
     Sutton Foster as Inga -- A Broadway favorite, Foster is best known for her Tony winning portrayal of Millie Dillmount in Thoroughly Modern Millie. She was last seen on Broadway as Janet in The Drowsy Chaperone.
     Shuler Hensley as The Monster -- Hensley is best known for his Tony winning performance as Judd Fry in Oklahoma! and was last seen on Broadway as Kerchak in Disney's Tarzan.
     MEGAN MULLALLY as Elizabeth -- Mullally is undoubtedly best known for her award-winning portrayal of Karen Walker on Will & Grace.

     Opens On:  November 8, 2007 /// Playing At:  Hilton Theater

     So... it's official. The cast has been confirmed! FINALLY!!! Megan Mullally's headin' back to Broadway for Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein: The Musical. I CAN'T WAIT!!!! Tickets aren't available yet but as soon as they go "ON SALE" I'll have my credit card ready!
     Again... WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!


ENTRY # 264
DATE:  06/17/07 (Sunday)
SUBJECT:  Happy Father's Day...

A Little Girl Needs Daddy
(written by Oliver Matla)

A little girl needs Daddy
for many, many things...
Like holding her high off the ground
where the sunlight sings!

Like being the deep music
that tells her all is right,
when she awakens frantic with
the terrors of the night.

Like being the great mountain
that rises in her heart;
and shows her how she might get home
when all else falls apart.

Like giving her the love
that is her sea and air,
so diving deep or soaring high,
she'll always find him there.

Happy Father's Day!!!


ENTRY # 263
DATE:  06/15/07 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Poor Little Rich Girl...

     ROFLMAO!!! This just in (from my Dad):


ENTRY # 262
DATE:  06/13/07 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Three Little Ducks...

Three little ducks walk into a Bar........
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes, "my name is Puddles."

ENTRY # 261
DATE:  06/11/07 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  A Special Birthday Shout-Out...

     Just wanted to sign-on for a few minutes to give my best-good-friend Adrienne a quick SHOUT-OUT for her birthday! She's 37 today!!!
     We've been friends for a long time. The two of us go waaaaaay back. We met in 1984 during our freshman year of high school. I just dug out my yearbook from 1988 (the year we graduated), and this is what she wrote:

Dove,
     This is it, Hon! I done graduated. It's been a fun four years. (Ms. Kelly, Snerkie, the Literary Magazine, Harvest Party 3 - 4, Twinkies, B.C.)
     You are like the sister I never had (I know I have a sister but I never said I wanted her).
     Well, Little Lady, I know that you and Marco will be happy together, with baby Marco, Guido, Rocco and/or Victoria. (I hope there's going to be an "Adrienne" in there somewhere.)
     Dove, you are a nut but that's why we are such good friends. I know you will keep in touch and I will too!
     I wuv you.
     Adrienne.
     Obviously a lot's happened since then, LOL. I never did marry Marco (thank God)... and I know that much of what she wrote in my yearbook will be lost on all you "Dish Readers," but we know what it all means. Although, in all honesty, it was written so long ago, even I don't remember what the "Twinkies" and the "B.C." comments are about, LOL. Hey, it was almost twenty years ago! What do you want from me??? LOL, my memory is only about as long as my nose!
     Even though we "knew" each other in school, we didn't become "Best Friends" until after we graduated. I could sit here for days - no, weeks - writing about all the memories the two of us have created since our days in school, but I won't bother. I don't have to, and this is why -- tucked inside my yearbook is a note from Adrienne. The note is eleven years old. It's a brief summary of our crazy antics and adventures during the first seven years after graduation. So, as far as "reminiscence" is concerned, I think Adrienne said it best when she wrote:
July 5, 1996...

Dove,
I know I said that I would write something in your yearbook after 10 years of being out of high school, but now seems as good a time as any. We may not have been tighter than a 50-cent pair of panty-hose in high school, but we've more than made up for lost time in the past seven years...
     Countless trips to NYC.
     Every Thursday night at Lauderdale's, Ellery's or wherever there was flesh and G-strings.
     One trip to Maine (so far).
     Hundreds of hours at each other's houses...
     "You smell something funny?"
     "Ouch, dammit, shit!"
     Maytag, Noel, Crunch n' Munch...
     "Where's Marco?" -- "How should I know???"
     "Take a drink, little man! I drink just cuz I'm thirsty!"
     Saraabi and Sebastian... U-Turn and Sweety Face...
     Oh, that trip to New Hampshire when we played Monopoly and all of us wound up in jail... the Balloon Rally and the whale watch...
     Mystic, fried dough and fudge.
     My Dad and his navy suit ("Look at me, I got goose-bumps!")
     Paris... (need I say more?)
     Don't forget the story about Sweety Face going to the groomer. (ha-ha-hee-hee)
     "I get to sit by the window!"
     "Hey, A... you want to take a ride? Let's see if we can get ourselves lost!"
     Putnam Park...
     Roller-blading in West Haven (you never find out how good a cushion your ass is until you fall directly on it.)
     "How do you make an elephant cum?"
     Playing pool at Woodmont ("I gotta put some English on this ball!")
     "Do you ride?" -- that's when I really fulfilled my bitch potential
     I know you weren't with me when I beat that guy up in NYC, but you were there in spirit!
     If your kids ever read this, "Aunt A's got your back whenever you need me."
     At the diner, making my hamburger talk...
     Anytime food shopping...(Horlick: white and creamy!)
     "Ow!" -- "Bip!"
     "Yo, A... want to take a ride?" -- "Okay, where we goin'?" -- "To the Property." -- "Joe, just think of it as a sleep-over."
     Cleaning the refrigerator -- "We've got some corn in there from Easter!!!"
     Snake shit and mouse bone.
     Parody of Duran Duran's Night Boat -- "Cold sore on the edge of my lip. I noticed it this morning while brushing my teeth." Chorus:  "Herpes. Herpes. I've got Symplex-3. Wow, Symplex-3."
     Parody of Duran Duran's Is There Something I Should Know? -- "Please, please tell me now... is there something in my teeth?"
     Parody of The Romantics' Talking In Your Sleep -- "I smell the beans that you eat, when you're farting in your sleep."
     Going to see Berry DeMey. Making scrapbooks. Razor blades and Walden Books go together like Peanut Butter n' Jelly!
     Miss Cellie - Seven years without my childrens. - "Damn, there goes my fourth cup of coffee!"
That's it for now. I know there's more but I've got a cramp in my hand.

Born & Bred to Be Bitchy...
A.

Like I said before, I know all that is completely LOST on all you "Dish Readers," but that's OK.... we know what it all means. And that's what friendship is all about!
     We've been friends for twenty-three years. Hmmm... I wonder how long the "List of Memories" will be when we're both collecting Social Security...  :-)

Happy Birthday, Adrienne...
I love ya like a Play Cousin!


ENTRY # 260
DATE:  06/10/07 (Sunday) 8:00pm
SUBJECT:  An Unexpected Chain of Events...

     So I had my cat shaved earlier this morning... and as I said before, this haircut is terrific! I love it. It's really cute and my cat is really soft right now, and I'm sure once Summer is in full swing Sweety Face will be extremely grateful. Fine. That's cool and everything, but, um, PROBLEM! Here's the thing...
     1.  Because her whole body was shaved (including between and under her front legs), it has come to my attention that my cat has sweaty arm pits. Apparently, the groomer shaved the hair under her arms a little too short and there's not enough hair in those areas now to absorb her perspiration.
     2.  Because she's perspiring, her arm pits are chafing when she walks around.
     3.  Because she's chafing, she's licking herself... incessantly!
     4.  Because of all the licking, her skin is now all red and irritated.
Thanks to this fantastic, terrific, adorable haircut (which - again - I do love), my entire afternoon/evening has been:

...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
"Honey, don't do that. It's gonna hurt after a while."
...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
"Sweety Face, that's not helping."
...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
"Hey, you! Cat! Stop it!!!"
...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
"Ffffffffffffttt!!!" STOP LICKING!!!!"
(My cat glares at me as if to say, "Did you just ffffffffffffttt me???") ...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
(violently clapping my hands together to distract her)
(My cat looks at me again like, "Huh? Wha? Who, me???") ...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
"OK, fine. This isn't working. I'm gonna try some Baby Powder," I think to myself. However, I don't know if the talc will hurt her, so I'm a bit leery of the idea. I put a little bit on my fingers and I apply it gently, spreading it around under both her arm pits. "There. And if it doesn't work, I just won't do it again, in case it's not good for you."
...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
(I fling my copy of Anna Karenina across the room at her to make her stop -- at least it's good for something! Startled, my cat jumps two feet straight in the air, and makes a bee-line for under the bed. "Safe, warm place! Safe, warm place!")
...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
(screaming) "GOD DAMMIT -- YOU LITTLE BITCH -- KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!"
...lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick...
     What the hell am I supposed to do about this??? It's making me crazy!!! I have to work all day tomorrow. I know she's gonna lick herself all day and I won't be here to stop her. By the time I get home from work, what little hair she has will be gone and she's gonna have two big raw spots under her arms. This sucks. If she keeps it up, I'm going to the Emergency Clinic tonight for one of those plastic cones to put over her head!
     Super! I'm sure she'll just love that....


ENTRY # 259
DATE:  06/10/07 (Sunday) 11:30am
SUBJECT:  Got My Pussy Shaved Today!!!

     People, please! Get your minds out of the gutter!!! LOL, all the Subject line means is that I took my cat to "The Groom Room" today for a haircut! But (hee, hee, hee), that sure was an attention grabber, wasn't it?  ;-)
     Yeah, so, anyway... it's the beginning of June and it's gettin' kind'a hot in my apartment so it was time, once again, for Sweety Face to be shaved for the summer months. This was our very first visit to the Groom Room. My regular groomer retired, so I was forced to shop around to find someone new. When I called and spoke to the people at the Groom Room, they sounded pretty cool. They're close to home, their prices are decent, and they're even open on Sundays.
     I scheduled an appointment for 9:00am this morning. We arrived early, but the groomer was late. He didn't show up until 9:30 'cause he got stuck in traffic somewhere. I was a little annoyed by that, but once I actually met the guy and saw how much he loves animals, I let it slide.
     After tucking his tardiness aside, I soon discovered this new groomer is great! He's a young kid... well, by "kid" I mean he looked about twenty, twenty-five tops. His name is Michael and grooming is his life.... and he's as gay as gay can be! As soon as he peeked into the pet-carrier and saw Sweety Face he started gushing over her. He was like, "Girrrrrrrrrl, she's SOOOOOOOO cute. Oh, just look at her," he exclaimed while flamboyantly clapping his hands, "she's fabulous!" (Note: I was highly amused by this... all I could think of was Kathy Griffin. Last night, I happened to catch her new comedy special, "Everybody Can Suck It," and two of her favorite lines are, "Where my Gays at?" and "I found my Gays!" So, obviously, as I'm standing there watching Michael coo to my cat, I was thinkin' to myself, "Yup, I just found my Gay!")
     Michael grabbed all his tools, took Sweety Face out of the carrier, and got to work. He brushed her out and shaved her in about twenty minutes. He gave her the "Lion cut," which means her body is shaved down really short, but her head, tail and feet are still fluffy. And, all the while, he's raving about how good she is, how well behaved she is, how patient she is, how sweet she is... he went on and on the entire time.
     A few seconds later, he puts her in the tub for her bath, and she turns around and bites the guy! I couldn't believe it. I was so embarrassed, LOL. It wasn't Sweety Face's fault though. Michael was wearing a rather large bracelet and one of her claws got stuck in it which freaked her out. When Michael grabbed her to stop her from thrashing around, that freaked her out even more so - in self defense - she bit him. Oh well. (*shrug*) When you're a groomer you're bound to get bit by someone eventually, so he was fine with it. He even admitted it was his fault. He said he should've taken the bracelet off and cut her nails before he put her in tub in the first place. (Umm, yeah!!!) But (*shrug*) "he's my Gay" so I let that slide too.  ;-)
     Anyway, to make a long story short, Sweety Face's new haircut is fantastic! I think it's the best one she's ever gotten. Her hair has never been this short before, LOL. I usually have her taken down to about three-eighths of an inch. Michael shaved her down, this time, to about an eighth of an inch! She is so soft right now, I can't keep my hands off her. She feels like a little peach, LOL. I'm totally diggin' the "Lion cut" too. It's adorable!!! And the whole thing only cost me 45 bucks!
     The Groom Room rocks!!!


ENTRY # 258
DATE:  06/08/07 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  "Scarlet Ribbons"

  OK... I've been listening to Megan Mullally's "Sweetheart Break-in" album for a little over a month now, and I think I've finally picked a favorite song. It's gotta be Scarlet Ribbons (written by Jack Segal and Evelyn Danzig). It's short and sweet, with very simple lyrics, but it packs a punch. I get chills every time I hear it...

Scarlet Ribbons
I peeked in to say goodnight
and I saw my child in prayer.
"...and for me some scarlet ribbons,
scarlet ribbons, for my hair."

All the stores were closed and shuttered,
all the streets were dark and bare.
In our town, no scarlet ribbons...
no scarlet ribbons, for her hair.
Through the night, my heart was aching.

Just before the dawn was breaking,
I peeked in and on her pillow,
on her pillow, lying there...
lovely ribbons, scarlet ribbons,
scarlet ribbons for her hair.

If I live to be a hundred,
I will never know from where
came those ribbons, scarlet ribbons,
Scarlet ribbons for her hair.

     There's one note in particular that Megan holds during this song, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how she does it. It happens when she sings, "If I live to be a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuundred." My God.... on the word "hundred" she unleashes this tormented, growling, scream-like note that's simply mind-boggling! Now... Megan's a tiny little thing. She's 5' 4" and probably wears a size six dress (maybe even smaller, I don't know)... and it really amazes me to hear such a powerful sound coming from such a petite person, LOL. It's incredible. I don't know how she does it. She's just... I dunno... diggin' deep, I guess.
     I've gotta see this woman sing LIVE some day. I just HAVE TO!!! She might be performing in the new production of "Young Frankenstein" on Broadway this Fall, but I'm not sure -- they haven't announced the "confirmed" cast list yet. The play is supposed to open Halloween night, and the wait is killing me. IF Megan is gonna be in it, I am DEFINITELY gettin' tickets!!! I already missed her in "Grease," and "How to Succeed." I will NOT miss her in "Young Frankenstein." I don't care how much the tickets cost! I'M GOING and that's all there is to it!
     Damn, this woman can sing! Oh my God...


ENTRY # 257
DATE:  06/04/07 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  My Visit With Dad...

     Had a good weekend! The weather sucked, but other than that, the weekend was great!
     I left my house at 7:00am Saturday morning and headed north to Greenland, New Hampshire. On my way I stopped at my regular Dunkin' Donuts for coffee and was pleasantly surprised when they informed me they've already fired the "OK, drive, please, up window" guy. WOOHOOOO! To celebrate this fact I ordered an extra large coffee to wash down my Old Fashion donut. And even though my order was correct this time when they handed it to me, it was a big mistake. Big! No, not just big, huge! HUGE mistake!!! By the time I hit the MA-NH border I thought I was gonna burst 'cause I had to pee so bad! Half an hour later, after a quick stop at the New Hampshire Welcome Center to (*ahem*) mark my territory, I finally arrived at my Dad's place at 10:15.
     Once I got the car unloaded, we settled down in the living room in front of the TV with some coffee. The Red Sox were playing the Yankees at 4:00pm so we were - pretty much - just trying to kill some time waiting for the game.
     While we were channel surfing looking for something decent to watch, a story on CNN grabbed my attention. Apparently, there was a "terrorist threat" against JFK International Airport. I guess their initial plan was to blow up the pipeline that holds all the jet fuel... so THANK GOD they caught the guys in time because - according to the story - the explosion would've been so severe it would've annihilated not just the airport, but most of Queens as well. Good grief! That's all I needed to hear, LOL. Considering I have to make two trips to JFK next month when Ana comes from Mexico, I was a little freaked out by all this... so we continued surfing, looking for something else. About an hour later we finally said, "the hell with it," and put on some music instead. And I gotta tell ya, there's nothin' better than sipping good coffee, listening to good music, and chatting with someone you love! The afternoon, literally, flew by!
     The first half of the Red Sox game wasn't that great. My Dad and I were both pissed off at Curt Schilling. They left him in way too long... and by the top of the fifth the Yankees were ahead four runs. I swear to God, it looked like Schilling was throwing the ball directly AT THE BAT!!! The Yanks were hitting just about every pitch he threw!
     Although, as soon as Curt was taken off the mound, things started lookin' up! We managed to get a couple of runs which evened out the score, and then - when things started to get really good - the damn game was delayed because of the rain! OUCH!!! That sucked. We kind'a thought that would ruin the Red Sox's momentum but they surprised us and came back even stronger after the interruption.... and they kicked ass! The final score was 11 to 6! Gotta love that!!!
     After the game, we decided to rent a couple of movies. We picked up "The Departed" (with Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson), and "The Night Listener" (with Robin Williams). "The Departed" wasn't as good as I thought it was gonna be. My Dad and I were basically "lost" throughout the entire thing... and even by the time it ended, we still had no clue who the good cop was and who the bad cop was, LOL.
     My Dad didn't watch "The Night Listener." As soon as he realized Robin Williams was playing a gay character, he didn't want to watch it. He ended up playing Solitaire on the computer for a while, then he went to bed. I watched it though, and I thought it was pretty good. I love Robin Williams; I'll watch him in anything. I really enjoy his "dramatic" performances, and in "The Night Listener" he didn't let me down! The story itself - even though it was based on "true events" - was a little weak, but Robin's acting was impeccable!
     Sunday morning we drove over to Rochester so my Dad could get some photographs of the old school he attended as a kid... Spaulding High. He wanted to get some shots of the his grammar school too, but some idiot parked their car right in front of the building so he decided those pics could wait 'til another day.
     From there we drove over to the old trailer my Grandmother used to live in (also in Rochester). My God... it's been about fifteen years since the last time I visited that place, and for the most part - from the front - it still looks about the same. One thing, in particular, caught my eye almost immediately --- it was Grammy's old "wishing well" in the middle of the yard...
     When I was a little kid - around the age of 3 or 4, I think - my Mom made a couple "Snoopy" plaques for some of our friends/family to attach to the tops of their well houses. If you remember the old "Peanuts" cartoons, then you'll probably remember how Snoopy used to sleep on top of his dog house, lying flat on his back, nose and toes sticking straight up in the air, with his ears flapping in the breeze. Well, the plaques my Mom made looked exactly like that. She made them out of wood, painted them white and black, and then used strips of black leather to make his ears. Here's a shot of the one she made for our friend Chet...

     That's not the greatest photo, I know, but that's the only picture I can find right now so it'll have to do...
     Anyway, Grammy died in 1998. My Uncle Merle owns the place now. And, after all this time, more than thirty years later, that darn Snoopy plaque is still snoozing on top of my grandmother's well house! I couldn't believe it, LOL. He's badly weather beaten, and his ears are long gone, but he's still there! Damn... talk about nostalgic! It brought back a ton of memories!
     As I said before, the front of the place looks about the same as I remember it. Although, when we walked around to the back yard, I was shocked. It kind'a looks like a construction site now, LOL. There's equipment all over the place... lawn mowers, tractors, a dump truck, haying equipment.... you name it, it's back there!
     As luck would have it, Uncle Merle was there too, trying to get some work done, so we were able to visit with him for a while. There's a little pond down the hill from the trailer where a brand new family a geese reside. The three of us jumped in Merle's truck and drove down the hill to pay them a visit. My Dad managed to get a couple cute shots of the little goslings. Six of them, altogether. Very tiny, very yellow, and very fluffy! Cute little things.
     Right before we left, we actually went inside the trailer.... and that was weird. Uncle Merle's using it as a gigantic storage shed now so it's packed full of stuff. But, there's also a lot of my grandmother's belongings scattered about that have been completely untouched, even after all these years. Her shelves are still up in the living room... there's still a couple photos on some of the walls... the bookcases still have some of her old books and magazines stacked on them... and I even spotted an old wind-chime/mobile hanging from the ceiling that I recognized from, I dunno, a million years ago, LOL. It was really strange to walk through the place. It was the first time I had ever been in that trailer without her being there with me.
     We spent the rest of the afternoon back at my Dad's apartment. We had Chicken Parmesan for lunch, watched some TV, drank some more coffee, and just talked the day away. Around 5:00pm we headed over to Walmart to see Reggie (my Dad's girlfriend). She works in the jewelry department and I needed to have a new battery put in my watch, so we killed two birds with one stone. Once my watch was fixed we strolled around the store for a while. I ended up buying two books -- "The Divide," by Nicholas Evans, and "The Lonesome Gods," by Louis L'Amour. I figured, just in case I decide to abandon Anna Karenina, it would be good to have a couple back-up books ready to go, LOL. (And, honestly, it might come to that. This Karenina chick is kickin' my butt. I've been working on this book for three weeks, and I'm only on page 236.)
     We had another quick cup of coffee at the Dunkin' Donuts in Walmart, then headed back to his apartment. The Red Sox were playing the Yankees again at 8:00pm and I knew if I stuck around long enough to see the beginning of it, I'd be tempted to stay for the whole damn thing so I avoided the game completely, LOL. I left my Dad's at 7:45, and made it home by 11:00. Unloaded the car [again!], fed the cat, then went to bed.
     So... Ayuh... It was another cool weekend!!!


ENTRY # 256
DATE:  06/01/07 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Dunkin' Donuts - Gripe #3...

     This should've been included in entry #252 [Random Ramblings - aka "Dove's Bitch-fest"] but - somehow - I forgot to mention it the other day. Luckily (insert sarcasm here), this morning's visit to Dunkin' Donuts jogged my memory...

Dunkin' Donuts - Gripe #3:  Oh. My. God. If you're going to hire someone to work the "Drive-Thru" line, you need to find a person WHO CAN SPEAK ENGLISH!!!! Good grief! Thanks to the "language barrier," I had to repeat my order FOUR times this morning before the guy - in broken English - finally said, and I quote, "OK, drive, please, up window."
     And, even after repeating it four times, my order was still wrong. I order the same thing every day -- Large Decaf, extra light, one sugar, and an Old Fashion donut. It costs me $3.01... every day. When I "drove up window" to pick up my order, he said, "$3.01," but handed me a MEDIUM cup (along with the bag supposedly containing my donut). I was in a hurry, so I didn't bother asking for the "Large" that I had actually ordered.
     I get to work and the first sip of coffee almost kills me. I take the lid off and... it's BLACK. Then I open the bag and peek inside. Do I find an Old Fashion donut? Nahhhh. Of course not. Why on earth would I find an Old Fashion donut??? Instead, there's a BRAN MUFFIN peekin' back at me through all the napkins.
     Super! Black coffee and a bran muffin. Hmm. That's funny. I don't even remember seeing the "Explosive Diarrhea" Value-Meal on the menu. Wow, that must be somethin' new!
     Um... no. If it was just black coffee, I could deal with that. But, bran? Nope. I'm not eatin' that shit. No thanks! Back to Dunkin' Donuts I go. As I'm walking through the parking lot, I spot two other people carrying their orders towards the door as well. So, being the smart-ass that I am I asked them, "OK, drive, please, up window???" They both broke up laughing and said, "Yeeeeeeeup!"
     Why the hell did they even hire this person? Or better yet, HOW could they have hired him??? I don't get it. It's obviously not a secret that he can't speak English. I'm sorry but, y'know what? This is the United States of America. If you come here to live and you can't speak enough English to figure out a person's order (that consists of only eleven words), then you need to go back to wherever it was you came from. If you're not gonna take the time to learn our language then I don't want you here! GO HOME and stop messin' with my breakfast, dammit!
     OK... that's it out'a me for a couple of days. I'm headin' up to New Hampshire tomorrow morning to visit my Dad for the weekend. It's about time too, 'cause I haven't see him since Christmas. I'll catch y'all when I get back. Ciao for now.


ENTRY # 255
DATE:  05/31/07 (Thursday) 8:30pm
SUBJECT:  Quote, Unquote (Barbra Streisand)...

     Throughout "The Dish" you'll find four other "Quote, Unquote" entries (numbers 41, 54, 90 and 182). What I usually do is compile a list of random quotes that appeal to me for one reason or another, then I post them. I think, from now on, I'm gonna do it a little different. Instead of random quotes, I'm gonna pick a certain celebrity and then choose some of my favorite quotes by that particular person. It'll be more work for me, but it might be more interesting that way. We'll see.
     Today's "Celebrity Pick" is Barbra Streisand...

"Singing is no big deal. It's only wind and noise. I open my mouth and the sound comes out."

"When I sing, people shut up... what can I tell you?"

"I am a bit coarse, a bit low, a bit vulgar, and a bit ignorant. I am also part princess, sophisticate, elegant and controlled. I appeal to everyone."

"Real life is more important to me than performing. I get a pleasure you wouldn't believe from scrubbing my pantry."

"I think, for a woman, getting your hair done is a very personal thing. I hate for just anyone to fool with my hair."

"The song with Donna Summer? What song? Oh, yeah, the disco thing. It was cute. My son, Jason, played it a lot; which was unusual. My son likes Donna. He never plays my stuff."

"I am a mass of contradictions. I am simple, complex; generous, selfish; unattractive and beautiful; lazy and driven. The contradictions used to be more polarized, now they're sort of growing towards the center. I'm simply complex."

"I don't feel like a legend. I feel like a work-in-progress."

"Hello, Gorgeous!"


ENTRY # 254
DATE:  05/31/07 (Thursday) 12:30pm
SUBJECT:  "The Dish" Word Count...

     Yup, I'm still at work. My boss still isn't here. And I still have nothing to do. I'm bored. Can ya tell?  ;-)
     Back in March I posted an entry (# 216) regarding the Dove's Daily Dish word count. At that point The Dish was at 97,323 words. I was a little disappointed that I hadn't reached 100,000 yet.
     Since I've got nothing else better to do, I figured I'd check it out again now that it's two months later. Well... including this entry, the grand total is:

113,509

     Hmmm... if this was a novel, I wonder how many pages that would be?


ENTRY # 253
DATE:  05/31/07 (Thursday) 11:30am
SUBJECT:  Just A Friendly Reminder...

     I'm at work right now... and I have absolutely nothing to do. My boss is at the Dentist having his teeth cleaned, so I thought I'd sign on real quick to remind you all of a couple of things:

1.  If you happen to find any typos anywhere on this site, please email them to me so I can correct them.

2.  If you happen to come across any dead links on this site, please let me know so I can fix them and/or get rid of them.

3.  If you have any comments/questions regarding any of these blog entries, please put the "Entry number" in the subject line of your email (or something similar) so I don't delete you by mistake. I get so much "spam" it's sometimes difficult to distinguish the real mail from the junk.

     Thanks!


ENTRY # 252
DATE:  05/30/07 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Random Ramblings (aka "Dove's Bitch-fest")...

 1.  Why do people insist on driving 60 mph in the left-hand lane??? Damn, that pisses me off!!! Whenever I'm in a hurry, I jump onto the highway then I immediately scoot over to the left-hand lane so I can cruise at a comfortable 70 - 75 mph. And it NEVER fails... I always get stuck behind some asshole going 55 - 60 mph. MOVE, dammit! That lane is not for you!!! All you "Slow Pokes" need to stick to the RIGHT-hand lane. Or better yet, just take Route 1 instead! God!

 2.  Dunkin' Donuts - Gripe #1:  I'm at Dunkin' Donuts just about every day. I hit the Drive-Thru on my way to work; and sometimes on my way home from work too. Y'know what really pisses me off about the Drive-Thru??? NOT getting a response after I place my order. I hate that. After I say, "Large decaf, extra-light, one sugar, and an Old Fashion donut," I expect to hear some kind of an acknowledgement, y'know what I mean? At that point, they SHOULD say "Is that all?" or - at the very least - "Drive up." But, half the time, they say nothing. Nothing at all! They just leave me hangin' there in "Drive-Thru Limbo." That's really annoying. C'mon, people, give me a hint, will ya? Did you get my order? Do I need to repeat it? Do I drive up now? Are you there? Helllllllooooooooo? Can you hear me now??????

 3.  Dunkin' Donuts - Gripe #2:  I think the employees at Dunkin' Donuts need to take a "Rubber Glove Seminar," 'cause it's come to my attention they just don't "get" the point behind the gloves they're wearing. Let me break it down for ya, OK? The whole point of the rubber gloves is simple -- they keep your grubby, dirty, oozing, infectious hands off my food!
     Right before you handle my order, you are supposed to put the gloves on. After you're done handling my order, you're supposed to take the gloves off. When the next person's order is ready, you are supposed to apply a FRESH pair of gloves, NOT the same ones you wore for the previous order.
     You are NOT supposed to wear those gloves ALL DAY LONG and then touch my food. You are NOT supposed to mop the floor wearing those gloves and then touch my food. You are NOT supposed to clean the toilets wearing those gloves and then touch my food. You are NOT supposed to count money wearing those gloves and then touch my food.... 'cause, um, all you're doing is transferring your nasty, skanky germs onto - guess what? - MY FOOD. Gross!!!

 4.  What exactly IS the PT Cruiser? Is it considered a sedan, or an SUV??? I have no idea. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

 5.  Braille. On drive-up ATMs. Seriously! Think about it!!! I don't get it. In order to use a drive-up ATM you have to be sitting in the driver's seat of an automobile. If you're blind and you need to rely on braille, what in God's name are you doing in the driver's seat of an automobile???

 6.  OK, here's the deal.... I don't watch a LOT of television, but I have had a list of "favorite shows" that I've watched religiously through the years. 90210, Melrose Place, Party of Five, Mad About You, Frasier, Friends, Will & Grace, Everybody Loves Raymond, Sex and the City, 7th Heaven, and the Gilmore Girls all come to mind immediately. And, obviously, all these shows are done. They're gone. I've said goodbye to every single one of them during their "Series Finales." I have less and less to watch as the years go by. However, my cable bill keeps goin' up and up as the years go by. Hmph. I'm sorry, but that's just not fair!!!

 7.  Someone needs to explain this to me:  what is the point of "Text Messaging" from one cell phone to another??? I don't get it! You're holding a PHONE in your hand. Why are you typing? Just CALL the person!!!

 8.  LISTEN UP!!!   "12 Items or Less" does NOT mean you get in that line with a shopping-cart full of shit! "12 Items or Less" means exactly that -- twelve items or LESS. Not 13. Not 29. Not 52. T-W-E-L-V-E!!!!! It's the EXPRESS line for people like me who need to get in and out of the store QUICKLY.
     And, just so ya know, it's also NOT the appropriate line to stand in if you plan on counting out 1,166 pennies to pay for what's in your cart. This is not Rocket Science. Please use common sense, folks, and stop wasting my time!!!!! I only have ONE hour for lunch.

 9.  CAMEL TOE!!! (That, pretty much, says it all.)

10.  Chocolate Covered Altoids!?!?! The "Callard & Bowser" folks should've left "well enough" alone. They screwed up a good thing...

11.  Why are there no "Nutrition Facts" listed on pet food??? I, for one, would highly appreciate this. I love my cat. I care about what she's eating.
     For example, I love tuna fish. My cat loves tuna fish. Ergo, I enjoy sharing my tuna fish with my cat. However, if you stroll into the grocery store and randomly select a can of tuna fish off the shelf, chances are good that can of tuna will contain approximately 250 milligrams of sodium per serving. Sodium is not good for the human heart. Now, this is just a guess, but it's probably safe to assume that sodium is also not good for an animal's heart. So, when I do my grocery shopping, I purchase the "Bumble Bee Premium Tuna - Chunk White Albacore - Packed In Water - Very Low Sodium" brand. This particular brand contains only 35 milligrams of sodium per serving. I buy this stuff - specifically - so my cat can share it, without me having to worry about sending her into Cardiac Arrest.
     But.... what about the rest of her food??? I have no way of knowing what she's eating, other than the basic ingredients. How much sodium is in cat food? And what about cholesterol, saturated fat, Trans fat, sugar, and carbs???
     If we're supposed to be "so concerned" about what we're eating, and what our children our eating, shouldn't we be equally concerned about what our pets are eating??? I don't know about YOU, but it makes sense to me.

12.  PUBLIC Swimming Pools -- Yeah, baby! Fun in the sun!! Bring it on!!! There's nothing I enjoy more on a hot summer day than diving head-first into a gigantic vat of disease!
     Good Lord..... you might as well just pee directly on me!

Ahhhhhh! I feel much better now. This concludes today's edition of "Dove's Bitch-fest." Ciao for now!


ENTRY # 251
DATE:  05/29/07 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  This n' That...

     Just got home from work a bit ago and I'm sitting here listening to the "Sweetheart" album (again!) since there's nothing good on TV, and I figured this might be a good time to get "The Dish" caught up. I was gonna try to do this over the Memorial Day long weekend but I ended up watching the "Monk" marathon on Sunday... then I watched the "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" marathon on Monday, so (*ahem*) I was too damn busy to write anything.  ;-)
     So... let's see... where the hell do I begin? Oh! Mother's Day weekend. That's right!
     Friday night (May 11th) I never went to bed. By the time I got home from work, got the cat fed, checked the snail-mail and the email, sorted laundry, packed, got the car loaded up, showered, and did my nails it was three o'clock in the morning. I was planning on getting up at 4:00am to get on the road early enough so I could get to my Mom's house before my step-dad went to work. Going to bed at 3:00am didn't make much sense, so I just stayed up and left at 3:30 instead, LOL. I was at their house at 6:00am, LOL. Shocked'em both, I think, LOL!.
     After my step-dad headed off to work, the rest of the morning was dedicated to, oddly enough, my hair. For the last eight years or so, I've been wearing my hair the exact same way, every day: the bangs and sides pulled back into a pony-tail, with the back hanging loose down my neck/back. Gotta tell ya, after EIGHT YEARS of this, I was tired of looking at myself, LOL. Every day. The same thing. BORING!!! I decided the pony-tail just HAD to go!
     I also have a LOT of gray hair. I started going gray when I was seventeen years old, and I always thought it was kind'a cool. All the women on my Mom's side of the family "go gray" at a young age... and we all "go gray" in the exact same way. The gray starts in the front, creating a skunk-like streak.... and I always saw it as a family trait. Y'know, something to be proud of. I have pictures of my Grandmother, all my Great Aunts, my Mom and myself and we all have the same gray streak in the exact same spot, LOL. However, I've got so much gray now the streak isn't as prominent as it once was. In fact, it's pretty much GONE since the majority of the surrounding hair is gray now too.
     So... I figured since I'm in the mood for a change - and since I had already decided to have it cut - why not go ALL THE WAY and have it colored too??? Sure! OK! Cool! My natural color is "dark blonde" so I thought I'd upgrade to a "medium brown." However, after some thought, I decided the cut and the darker color combined might be too much of a shock. I didn't want to scare myself when I looked in the mirror first thing in the morning, y'know what I mean? Instead of taking a "giant leap" to a completely different color, I figured "baby steps" would be better for me. The first step was to get rid of the gray, then let myself get used to that "look." Once I've adjusted to that, then I'll go a little darker. SO... I found a color that matched my natural color, which - according to CLAIROL - is called "Tweed/light ash brown." LOL, who knew?
     Anyway, my Mom dug out her shears and starting snipping away. Once it was cut, we spent the next half hour coloring it. My hair is now shoulder-length, and MOST of the gray is gone. Not all of it, but most of it. I'm not exactly sure why it didn't cover all the gray.... Jennifer says that since it was the first time my hair was "chemically treated," it simply didn't accept the color the way it should've. Either that, or maybe the color I chose was just too light to cover such a major concentration of gray. I dunno. Whatever. I like it, and that's all that matters.
     And, um, apparently, I wasn't the ONLY one who was tired of looking at that damn pony-tail, LOL. For the last two weeks, everywhere I go, I'm getting compliments on the "new do." Everybody loves it. The guys at work and all my regular customers went nuts when they saw me! The crew at Dunkin' Donuts all came over to the Drive-Up window to Oooh and Ahhh... the UPS man... the gang at the Shell station where I gas up... even the folks at Stop n' Shop were like, "Oh my God, you look SOOOOO good!" So, YUP!, the hair was a major success! Thanks, Mom!!!
     After the "make over," I hit my Mom's laundry room again. And then, that same evening (Saturday) the four of us - Mom, Dad, Grandma and I - went to Applebee's for an early "Mother's Day" dinner. The food was great!!! My Mom ordered the Caesar Salad. Dad ordered some kind of a steak smothered with marinated mushrooms that looked heavenly. Grandma ordered chicken fingers and fries (for some reason)... and I ordered the Apple Walnut Chef Salad (with grilled chicken) that was TO DIE FOR!!!
     It was a pretty cool weekend! Got the hair done, got the laundry done, spent time with Mom on Mother's Day, and good food! No complaints here!
     The following Saturday (May 19th) I headed back to Mom's house for a surprise birthday "get together" for my step-dad. It wasn't much of a crowd... just the six of us (including Grandma and my Mom's friends RJ and Leonard). I was only there for a couple of hours though. I got there around 2:00pm... my Mom went to pick up Grandma at 3:30... Dad got home from work at 4:00... RJ and Leonard showed up around 4:30... and dinner was at 5:00. After that we all watched as he opened his gifts, and then at 7:30 I hit the road to come home 'cause I had to meet Ana online at 10:00pm for coffee in our chat room.
     This particular "coffee talk" was centered around purchasing "The Lion King" theater tickets... FINALLY! It was our third attempt. The first two times we tried it we kept running into problems. Every time we'd get to the Proceed to Check-Out screen, she kept getting an INVALID CREDIT CARD message. As it turned out, the expiration date on the credit card was the issue 'cause it expires this month. To make a long story short, she went to the bank, got a new credit card, and now we're all set. We've got two ORCHESTRA seats for "The Lion King" on Sunday, July 1st, 3:00pm at the Minskoff Theater. Cool!!! That's one less thing I have to worry about before she gets here.
     The rest of the evening we spent chatting about other stuff to do in New York City. She wants to see as many "hot spots" as she can, so our plans have changed again. Our trip to NY on Sunday is going to be for the theater only. And then on Monday(?) we're going into the City again to hit all the tourist traps: Empire State Building, Radio City Music Hall, Rockefeller Center, Central Park, the Hard Rock Cafe (maybe), St. Patrick's Cathedral, Times Square, the Statue of Liberty ferry tour... and God only knows what else will come up when we get there, LOL. It should be fun, but - honestly - I don't know how I feel about the Empire State Building. I'm not sure if I'm gonna have the balls to go to the top of it again or not...
     I've only been to NYC once since September 11th, 2001... that trip into the City was to see Björk in concert at Radio City with Adrienne a month later. The concert was awesome, but being in New York so soon after 9/11 really bothered me. It just wasn't the same. It was creepy. And, ever since, I've had no interest at all in going back. I had a very hard time dealing with the events of 9/11.... I still have a hard time dealing with it, even though it's six years later. I still can't talk about that day without getting choked up. I still can't watch the footage on TV without curling up into the fetal position, sobbing on my couch. Just the skyline, alone, bothers me. That gaping, barren "hole" the Towers used to fill makes me sick to my stomach. I just can't deal with any of it. It's too horrific. The only way I can cope is to block it out of my mind altogether.
     Adrienne's in the City a lot. She's "over" the whole 9/11 stuff. She says it was an "isolated incident," and that if I'm scared of going into the City then the terrorists have won. And I agree with her 100%. But, the thing is, it's not "going into the City" that scares me. What scares me is my own emotions... y'know, facing the memories of that day. I don't know how it's going to affect me. I have this fear of walking down the sidewalk, enjoying the afternoon - "tra, la, la, la, la" - and then all of a sudden bursting into tears because of a 9/11 flashback. I mean, how can you go to the top of the Empire State Building and not be reminded of it? How can you stand there, admiring the view, and not think to yourself, "What if a plane...?"
     I dunno... I can't imagine Ana coming here - all the way from Mexico - standing at the base of the Empire State Building and NOT wanting to go to the top of it. That would be crazy, LOL. I wouldn't want to send her up all by herself though. That would kind'a suck. But, I don't want to be an emotional/hysterical wreck either, which is definitely a possibility. (*shrug*) Maybe it's something I need to do. Maybe if I do it, it'll give me some kind of closure. I have no idea. For now, it IS on our agenda... but I think I'll just wait and see how I feel once we actually get there.
     And, well, that's pretty much everything I have to write about. You already know what I did over the Memorial Day weekend.... released the mice, watched lots of "Monk," watched lots of "Criminal Intent".... I tried to get a little further into Anna Karenina but it just wasn't holding my interest so I kept putting it down. Today, during my lunch hour, I picked it up again and I think I'm finally "over the hump." The story's gettin' a little better. Thank God! I'm still a bit intimidated by it though... it's 800 pages, and I'm only on 148, LOL. I suspect that when I finally finish it, I'll be finished with Tolstoy as well. He's a little "much" for me. Thank goodness I wasn't forced to read this in school. I would've been miserable...
     Oh! Just thought of something else. Drum-roll, please!!! I managed to get my air-conditioner in the window over the weekend too! Now that's some pretty excitin' shit, ain't it?  ;-)



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