Entries 75 - 51

ENTRY # 75
DATE:  01/22/06 (Sunday)
SUBJECT:  New Page Added...

     Y'know... I had a ton of stuff I wanted to get done this weekend. I was supposed to go to Stop n' Shop for groceries. I was supposed to go to CostCo to pick up some stuff. I was supposed to do some housework. I was supposed to email pictures of my apartment to my sister in Mexico. I was supposed to write a letter to my aunt. I was supposed to sit down with my checkbook and pay some bills.... but did I actually do any of these things? Hell no!
     I've spent fifteen percent of my weekend sleeping... and the other eighty-five percent following my cat around the house with my camera trying to capture "A Day In the Life of Sweety Face."
     The first group of pictures I posted on this site have been such a hit with some of my readers I decided to add another page of photos for y'all to gush over. Out of the hundred pictures I've taken this weekend I've selected the "Top Twenty" for your viewing pleasure. I'm proud to say that Page Two is now up and running!
     You'll find a link at the bottom of Sweety Face's page that simply states "Page Two!" in big red letters. If you haven't seen the pictures on page one yet click
here. If you wanna view the NEW photos on page two here's a link for that page:

"Sweety Face, Page Two!"

     I hope you take the time to visit. After spending two days doing nothing but taking photographs I'm very happy with the results. I got some pretty good shots! Although, when you've got such a beautiful subject to work with, every shot is good! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do...


ENTRY # 74
DATE:  01/20/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  "The Barefoot Boy With Shoes On"

     Ever since I wrote about "The Purple Cow" the other day, I've been trying to remember the words to a poem (or maybe it's a song, I dunno) my grandfather used to say. It's called "The Barefoot Boy With Shoes On" but - for the life of me - I can't remember how it goes.
     I just Googled it and came up with two different versions. They both sound pretty close to my grandfather's - as far as I can remember - but I don't think either one is the exact same as his. Maybe he embellished it a little and created his own version, I have no idea. Either way, it's pretty cool so I thought I'd post it here.

The Barefoot Boy With Shoes On
It was midnight on the ocean,
not a streetcar was in sight.
The sun was shining brightly,
and it rained all day that night.
It was a summer's day in winter
and the rain was snowing fast;
and a barefoot boy with shoes on
stood sitting in the grass.

And the cows were making cow-chips
and the bells were ringing wet.
The bumble bees were making bums
and smoking cigarettes.
A man went into a stable
and came out a little horse.
He jumped upon his golf-stick
and rode all around the course.

While the organ peeled potatoes,
lard was rendered by the Choir.
The sexton rang a dish-rag;
someone set the church on fire.
"Holy smokes!" the preacher shouted;
in the rain he lost his hair...
now his resembles heaven,
'cause there ain't no partin' there.

It was midnight on the ocean,
not a horse-cart was in sight.
I went into a drugstore
to get myself a light.
The man behind the counter
was a lady old and gray;
who used to peddle shoestrings
on the road to Mandalay.

"My husband's dead," the lady said;
her eyes were dry with tears.
She put her head between her feet
and stood that way for years.
Her children six were orphans
except one tiny tot
who lived in a house across the street
above a vacant lot.

It was evening and the sunrise
was just setting in the west;
and the fishes in the treetops
were all cuddled in their nests.
As the wind was blowing bubbles,
lightning shot from left to right;
everything that you could see
had been hidden out of sight.

As I gazed through the oaken door
a whale went drifting by;
It's six legs hanging in the air
so I kissed her goodbye.
This story has a moral
as you can plainly see...
"Don't mix your gin with whiskey
on the deep and dark blue sea."

     Cute, eh?
     My grandfather's version included a line somewhere that goes like this, "The barefoot boy with shoes on stood sitting in the grass, peeling onions, crying as hard as he could laugh." I wish I could remember how his version goes. My mother has him on video, laying on the couch, reciting the whole thing... the next time I visit her I'll try to get the words off the tape. I hope she still has it!


ENTRY # 73
DATE:  01/18/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  A Purple Cow...

I've never seen a purple cow,
and hope to never see one.
But I'll tell you anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.

     I have no idea who the poet is but I learned this poem when I was about ten years old. I think it's the very first one I ever memorized. My grandmother gave me a book of poetry one summer and I remember sitting outside in the grass reading it all afternoon. I wish I still had that book today but it's been gone for years now... all I remember is that it was a blue hard-cover with the lettering embossed in silver. It was thick and very heavy; and all the pages had yellowed from age.
     "A Purple Cow" was one of the poems included in this book, along with hundreds of others. I have no idea why this particular poem has been stuck in my memory for the last twenty-six years - but there it is - and every once in a while I catch myself reciting it in my mind.
     I find it strange that I can still remember the words to "A Purple Cow," but if you were to ask me to recite "The Pledge of Allegiance" I couldn't do it, LOL. For some reason I can only get through the whole Pledge when I'm saying it with a group of people around me; but when I try to recite it alone the words are totally lost.... weird, huh?
     I 'spose if the Pledge mentioned a purple cow I'd be all set. It's funny how the mind works, isn't it?


ENTRY # 72
DATE:  01/15/06 (Sunday) - 1:30pm
SUBJECT:  This Weather Has Got to Go!

     This has got to be the most bizarre Winter of all time. The beginning of the week was definitely odd... here we are in the middle of January and all through Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday the outside temperature reached as high as fifty-six degrees. What the hell?
     Thursday evening we were hit with torrential rain and it's been coming down - in one form or another - ever since. Oh, and for extra kicks, during the gaps between the rain, sleet and snow we've had to deal with fog so thick you can barely see your hand in front of your face. Makes for interesting driving!
     And yesterday was no better. It kind'a started off OK. The morning wasn't too bad... the sky looked a bit threatening but, again, the temperature climbed up into the high forties. Then it rained and the temperature plummeted down to around twenty. Super! The rain turned to sleet... and, when I woke up this morning, I was greeted by two inches of snow on the ground. Good grief!
     And right now - if you dare to step outside - you'll get blown away! Gusts of wind up to fifty miles an hour... and it's that sharp, bitter-cold wind that takes your breath away! It's awful.
     And get this -- the forecast for tomorrow is "bright and sunny," high temperatures reaching fifty degrees.
     Yup.... bizarre.


ENTRY # 71
DATE:  01/15/06 (Sunday) - 12:35am
SUBJECT:  A Dedication...

     "I imagine we are all jigsaw puzzles with little parts of us missing: small flaws, things we don't do very well (organize, cook, remember birthdays); or places where we hurt or need comfort or an infusion of another's joy. Then a certain friend comes along and fits into that little open place, making our life more complete, and suddenly we realize how much we'd been missing that connection, that little puzzle piece." - Becky Freeman.
     I just came across this quote in the book Jennifer gave me for Christmas, "Girlfriends Are the Best Friends of All." I'd like to dedicate this quote to all the women in my life that have made an impact, that have become great friends, and that have enriched my life simply by knowing them: Abbie, Adriana, Adrienne, Annie, Betty, Cindy, Donna, Gina, Janie, Jean, Jennifer, Juanita, Kelley, Mal, Marion, Mary, Melissa, Micki, Patty, Penney, Réjeanne, and Shannon.
     And even though this quote came out of a book intended for "girlfriends," it applies to "guyfriends" too. They definitely deserve to be mentioned here also: Anthony, Charlie, Chet, Chris, Darel, Frank, Gary, George, Greg, Jack, Jim, Johnny, Kirk, Marcel, Marco, Mark, Marty, Mike, Paris, Pom, Robert, Steve, Stu, Tony, and Walter.
     Some of them are old friends, some are new friends; some I no longer have contact with 'cause we've grown apart through the years; some are relatives, and some have passed on to a plain far greater than this one. Regardless, they are all pieces [past and present] that fit into the jigsaw puzzle of my life. Without them - just as the quote states - I wouldn't be complete!


ENTRY # 70
DATE:  01/14/06 (Saturday)
SUBJECT:  Q&A With Some "DDD" Readers (Part 2)...

     As promised, here's a few more questions from some "DDD" fans:

Q:  Is "Dove" your real name? (from "007JBond")
A:  LOL, I'm not gonna answer that one, sorry.
Q:  What was in the package you mailed that was such a big surprise? If it's personal you don't have to answer me. (from Lynn)
A:  Nope, it's not personal. The package contained a bag of Starbucks Sumatra coffee, a coffee mug filled with Hershey's Kisses, and a gift card (also from Starbucks). It was a Christmas present...
Q:  Why did your boss get you tires for Christmas? That's weird. (also from Lynn)
A:  Well, for the last eight years or so, I've used my own personal vehicle to make the company deliveries. A few weeks before Christmas I was talking about how bad my tires were getting and that I was hoping to get new tires before we got a lot of snow. I guess my boss figured since I've put thousands of miles on my car for him he'd buy the tires to pay me back.
Q:  What did Sweety-Face think of her Christmas presents? Any luck? (from Jennifer)
A:  Nope, no luck at all. She was not impressed with any of them. However, my Mom found something that she likes. It's called the "Kitten Mitten." It's a glove for me to wear, with really long alien-looking fingers. On the tip of each finger there's a furry little ball with a bell inside. When I wiggle my fingers all the bells jingle.... so far, Sweety-Face seems to really dig this thing. And when we're not playing with it she sleeps on it.
Q:  Besides Kenny Chesney, Gretchen Wilson, Will Smith, Cher, and Barbra Streisand... who else do you listen to? (from "BrightNova")
A:  Oh boy! Ummm... Damn, what a question, LOL. Rick Springfield, Björk, Diana Krall, Benny Goodman, Artie Shaw, Toby Keith, Reba, Trace Adkins, KISS, Johnny Cash, Kelly Clarkson, Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Celine Dion, Duran Duran, Judy Garland, Ella Fitzgerald, Josh Groban, Aerosmith, Alan Jackson, Jewel, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Tim McGraw, The Glenn Miller Orchestra, Dolly Parton, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, Brenda Lee, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Anthony, The Platters, The Supremes, Kenny Rogers, Savage Garden, Rod Stewart, Britney Spears, Hilary Duff, Prince, Rascal Flatts, Duke Ellington, Leah Andreoni, Queen Latifah, Eminem, Macy Gray, P!NK, Lauryn Hill, Everclear, Shania Twain, Paula Cole, Bach, Vivaldi, Olivia Newton-John, Martina McBride, Keith Urban, Jamie Cullum, Christina Aguilera...
     Y'know what? This list could go on and on... but I think that's enough to give you a good idea, eh?  :-)
Q:  Could you give me a link/URL to "Debbie's" TLJ website? (from Kristen)
A:  Sure! Here ya go:  
http://ironmonger.homestead.com/tommyleejones.html
Q:  Have you ever thought of trying to get your own humor column in the newspaper? Some of your stuff is hilarious! I think you'd give Dave Barry some real competition... (from "RdNckChK")
A:  LOL, you're not the first person to tell me that. My friend Adrienne just mentioned this to me a few weeks ago.... And, yeah, the thought has crossed my mind but - honestly - I don't think I could pull off being funny every day; I'd probably crack under all that pressure. A column would be a very demanding commitment and I think if I had to stick to writing something every day I'd lose a lot of interest in it. It would become too much like "work," y'know what I mean? At least here, with Dove's Daily Dish, there's no pressure, no stress, no commitment. I can write when I want and what I want and - trust me - that makes a big difference...
Q:  Can you write some more stories about your cat? I really enjoy them! (from Brianna)
A:  Oh, don't you worry... I'm sure there will be more. I can't promise when but they're bound to turn up eventually.
     Thanks [again] to all my loyal readers. I had no idea when I started this Blog it would be such a hit! I'm really happy y'all are enjoying yourselves here. As I've mentioned before, I'll post more questions/answers as I receive them. It's great to hear from you so keep the questions coming!


ENTRY # 69
DATE:  01/13/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  You Know You're Getting Older When...

               ...you have to plan your day around your bowels.

     And... [*ahem*] ...that's all I have to say about that!


ENTRY # 68
DATE:  01/12/06 (Thursday)
SUBJECT:  "Happy Birthday to Me!"

     Good grief, I can't believe another year has gone by. I turned thirty-six today and, even though I know I'm far from "old," I'm starting to feel old. The common expression "you're only as old as you feel" is starting to get under my skin, LOL. How do I feel about turning thirty-six? Fine. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm not one of those women who insist on being "twenty-nine" every year. But "how old I feel" is something different entirely. Between bad knees, a sore back half the time due to a horrible mattress, all my gray hair, huffing and puffing when I climb a flight of stairs because I'm so overweight... well, shit, I feel about sixty-six instead of thirty-six, LOL.
     Regardless, I had a great day today. I took the day off from work so, just because of that, my day was automatically super! And the fact that my Mom came to visit made it even better! When she got out of her truck she immediately handed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my birthday. Right now it's sitting on my kitchen table and it smells fabulous!
     We had some coffee and chatted for a while then we hit the road. Our first stop was Sears so I could get a new battery put in my car. The battery was a birthday present from my Mom. While we were waiting for it to be installed we walked over to the Westfield Shopping Mall to kill some time.
     As we were walking by Bath & Body Works I said, "We gotta go in here. I love this place" so we did. She bought me two bottles of body lotion, Warm Vanilla Sugar and White Cherry Blossom. LOL, I love shopping with Mom! I get all kinds of goodies!  :-)
     From the Mall we went back to Sears to check on the car and it was all done. Cool! From there we headed to Walmart so she could get me a new DVD/VHS player, another birthday present! Then we came back home for some lunch. I had made another batch of Macaroni Salad so we dug into it right away. It was yummy! Although, I made way to much so she took a bunch home with her.
     She left around two o'clock to head home and for the rest of the afternoon I just lounged around relaxing, enjoying my "day off."
     When I logged on to AOL I received an email from Adrienne. She wanted to know if I'd like to go out to eat for my birthday. She told me to think about it and to let her know. LOL, "think about it?" Yeah, right! Like I'm gonna refuse a meal! Puh-lease! I emailed her right back with, "WHAT TIME?" We decided to go to one of our favorite Diners for burgers. Since it was my birthday she didn't let me pay for anything but at least I was "allowed" to leave the tip. She also gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble! I'm sure I'll be heading to B&N this weekend to spend every cent of it!
     I also received a phone call from my Dad today. As soon as I heard his voice I knew the first few minutes of our conversation were going to be tough to get through. When I asked him how he was he said, "I'm pissed." Well, obviously, I then asked, "Why, what's the matter?" and that's when he started to cry. He forgot to mail me a birthday card this year and he was very upset about this. I spent the next ten minutes trying to calm him down. After all, it's no big deal. As far as I'm concerned, out of thirty-six questions, he got thirty-five of them right, and that's still an A+!
     Anyway, he felt really bad that he forgot my birthday... but after I reminded him that today was still January 12th, and that he had just wished me a happy birthday, that meant he didn't really forget. Thankfully that calmed him down and the rest of our conversation was very nice!
     At 11:30pm my phone rang again. Since I had already done the "birthday stuff" with Jen & Mark, Adrienne, my Mom and my Dad, I had no idea who could possibly be calling at that hour. I figured, "Oh shit, who died?" When I picked up the phone and heard the voice I couldn't believe it. It was Adriana, my "sister" -- calling all the way from Mexico! What a great surprise!!! We stayed on the phone for almost forty minutes. Good Lord, I can't imagine what that's going to cost her! I dread the thought. Hell, I called her once and it cost thirty-five bucks for ten minutes. Yikes!!! Anyway, since the majority of our conversations take place in email, instant messages, and chat rooms it was a real treat to hear her voice!
     So, like it says in the subject line, "Happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me-ee, happy birthday to me!"
     I had a fantastic day!
    Oh, and one more thing! My Mom also brought me her old scanner so I finally have one again! Yay!!! Either this weekend - or next - I'll get it hooked up and running. WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


ENTRY # 67
DATE:  01/11/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  What I Got for Christmas!

     It's official! Christmas is finally over. Since the weather hasn't been that great lately, I wasn't able to see my friends Jen, Mark and Zack until tonight. They live about forty minutes away and every weekend since Christmas it's snowed so we had to keep postponing our Christmas get-together plans. Anyway, since I don't have to work tomorrow (I took the day off for my birthday 'cause my Mom is coming for a visit), we decided to have Christmas tonight instead of waiting for the weekend.
     As it turned out, our evening also blossomed into a birthday celebration. As I was sitting on the floor setting up the Spiderman game I had just given to Zack, all of a sudden the three of them come out of the kitchen singing "Happy Birthday," carrying a cake, candles and all! It was a big surprise! I had no idea! And what made it even better was the fact that Mark made the cake himself! I thought that was really cool!
     Anyway, I'm posting my "What I Got for Christmas" list here - not because I want to brag (well, OK, maybe a little) - but because I figured it would help me remember everything later on. So, without further interruption, here's the list:

From my boss - $200.00 gift certificate to Town Fair Tire
From the boss' wife - a very cool "Retro 1951" pen
From The Septage Sucker - 2 books from his store (a Zane Gray first edition of "The Vanishing American," and "Don't Ask," by Donald E. Westlake)
From Mona (my neighbor)- Cracker Jack Snack, Blockbuster Movie Popcorn, $15.00 gift card to Blockbuster
From Cathy (another neighbor)- bottle of Chardonnay wine (Georges Dubceuf, Reserve)
From Aunt Jean - Solar operated sun-catcher, $50.00 check
From Kimmy (Adrienne's sister) - Electric blanket and two puzzle books
From Virginia & Elwood (Adrienne's parents)- I Love Lucy Doll (for my collection), knee highs, Lindt Truffles, Warm Vanilla Sugar body spray, four mini-bar bottles of Cask & Creme liqueur
From Adrienne - Barbra Streisand DVD box set of the TV Specials, Guilty Pleasures CD (Barbra Streisand/Barry Gibb), All Jacked Up CD (Gretchen Wilson), a "What Part of MEOW Donít You Understand?" T-shirt, "Colorado Kid" by Stephen King, 2 Lindt chocolate candy bars, Capricorn coffee mug, Aviance Night Musk perfume, and a Buttercream Yankee candle
From Jen, Mark, & Zach - hooded Red Sox sweatshirt, "Girlfriends Are the Best Friends of All" book
From Mom & Dad - Two sweaters, a White Stag autumn jacket, two cat toys for Sweety-Face, more knee-highs (Yay!), gloves, and candy (chocolates, and hard-candy), a pair of very soft, fuzzy - and very purple - socks, Snapple lip-balm.
And, from my [new] friend Steve - the original manuscript of "Dialogues," and two CDs (Kate Bush, and Messiah Choruses)
     OK... I know Christmas isn't about all "the stuff" you get but - I must admit - my load this year was exceptionally cool!!!
     The "Dialogues" manuscript is a bit perplexing. This is the original manuscript that was submitted to Random House for [possible] publication. Now that the book is published RH returned the manuscript to the author, Stephen Spignesi. He then sent it to me because he knows I'm a HUGE fan of the book!
     The manuscript is VERY cool! It has all the editor's notes/changes/recommendations marked throughout it's pages... and - obviously - this is a "one-of-a-kind" thing. There's only ONE in all the world and I am now the owner! I kind'a feel like Daffy Duck in the "Hidden Treasure" episode when he finds all the gold in the cave and starts screaming, "IT'S MINE! MINE! MINE!!! IT'S AAAAAALLLLLLL MINE!!!"
     The reason I'm so perplexed about this is, now that it's mine, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with it. I know I'll read it - 'cause I've only read the published version - but, once I read it, the most important question on my mind is not so much what I'm going to do with it, but WHERE am I going to keep it? Since it's literally irreplaceable I'm a little nervous about keeping it in my apartment. God forbid, if there's ever a fire, or if it gets damaged somehow, I'd be completely devastated! I'm seriously considering getting a safe-deposit box. However, if it's kept at the bank, then I won't have the luxury of admiring it at my leisure. I can't figure out what I'm going to do. Right now all I know for sure is that it is definitely one of my greatest treasures! I still can't believe he sent it to me! How cool is that?!?!?!? Thanks again, Steve! You ROCK!!!!


ENTRY # 66
DATE:  01/06/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  "Dove's Designs"

     Today's entry is nothing more than a shameless plug; a way for me to promote my creativity and my love for Tommy Lee Jones, LOL!
     About a year ago, I became a member of a TLJ discussion group/forum. In this forum I met a woman named Debbie. And, to all you TLJ lovers out there, I'm sure you know exactly which "Debbie" I'm talking about, LOL. She maintains the BIGGEST and BEST TLJ fansite ever! Anyway, on her website, I saw that she had created a few TLJ web-graphics. I posted a message to her in the forum asking her if she'd like me to make some too. She said she'd love that and that it would be greatly appreciated. LOL, well, that's all I needed to hear. For the next week that's all I did.
     Once I was done I emailed her about a hundred files that I designed, LOL. Since then, she has created some special pages on her website called
"Dove's Designs" where most of my creations now live. I don't think she's managed to upload them all yet, but - as of right now - there's quite a few available for your website-decorating pleasure.
     Since I didn't have anything better to write about today I figured I'd promote it a little. Even if you're not a TLJ fan take a peek at all my hard work, will ya?  :-)  Thanks!
     There's tons of banners and buttons, some animated, some not. If you do take a look, let me know what you think! Feedback is cool!


ENTRY # 65
DATE:  01/04/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  I'm "Totally Monk-ish!"

     I mentioned (in a previous entry somewhere) that I bought season two of "Monk" for myself while I was out Christmas shopping. I admit it, I absolutely love this show! I never miss an episode! Tony Shalhoub is - in a word - adorable!
     Anyway, there's a quiz you can take on the USA Network's website to see how "Monk-ish" you are. I've been meaning to take this quiz for a couple of weeks but I kept forgetting about it. Last night, I wrote myself a note so I'd remember to take it tonight and I just finished with it. Here's the list of ten questions I was asked... along with my answers:

1.  A swimming pool is:
     Equivalent to bathing in backwash. Disgusting!
2.  Your best friend just cancelled dinner plans because he/she is sick. You:
     Send good wishes by phone and go about your regular life until you hear he/she is well again.
3.  What does Spring Cleaning mean to you?
     It's a daily routine.
4.  "Double dipping" is:
     A rampant problem that the FDA needs to regulate with random party searches and enforced jail terms.
5.  Be honest: Do you always wash your hands after using the bathroom?
     Always, and I carry my own hand-sanitizing wash with me.
6.  You go to grab a CD. You find it:
     Where it should be; alphabetized by artist. It's the best system.
7.  It's cold season. You:
     Bundle up and avoid friends who have come down sick already.
8.  How do you eat your M&Ms?
     The reds first, two by two. Then the oranges, two by two, and so on...
9.  Look in your closet. What do you see?
     Pressed shirts, pants, and sweaters hung neatly on the hangers.
10.  Your grocery list is:
     Carefully written out before you head to the store to keep your shopping quick and efficient.
     And, as soon as I hit "send" after the last question, this is the screen I received:
DOVE, YOU ARE TOTALLY MONK-ISH! No wonder you're a Monk fan. You're practically twins! Just like the brave and brilliant detective, the thought of human contact is enough to make you break out in hives, which you will then obsess about endlessly. Brace yourself for a life like Monk's. Stock up on latex gloves, hand sanitizer, and air purifiers. Although you probably already have a hefty supply.
     Damn... I know I'm a bit obsessive about some stuff but I didn't think I was that bad, LOL!

Click here to see how Monk-ish you are!


ENTRY # 64
DATE:  01/03/06 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  "Best Purchase" of 2005...

     I'm not a big fan of shopping. Never have been. There's just something about it that annoys me. I'm not crazy about crowds and I hate standing in line, therefore, I don't spend a lot of time in stores "just browsing" like some people tend to do. Whenever I need something I put off buying it until I have a list of things that I need. Then, I rush into the store, grab everything on my list and I bolt out'a there as quick as I can... usually.
     About two weeks before Christmas Adrienne and I were in CostCo. For those of you who don't know what CostCo is: it's a huge wholesale warehouse that sells everything under the sun. If you need automotive parts, food, clothes, pet supplies, computer equipment, vitamins, books, music or movies CostCo is a great place for one-stop shopping. It's "club shopping" which means you have to be a member to shop there. Anyway... when Adrienne and I were looking around we went up and down every single aisle. We didn't have to but we did anyway. When we turned a corner, all of a sudden, we were both hit by an unbelievable gust of hot air.
     The "hot air assault" was coming from this little portable heater not much bigger than a bread-box. I was completely transfixed by the amount of heat this thing was able to generate. As I stood there, trying to read the box, my eyes were actually tearing from the heat blowing directly into my face. I kept thinking to myself, "Man, this thing kicks ass!" Since the windows in my apartment are so drafty I decided to bring one home so I stuck it into the carriage we were pushing around.
     Eventually, I chickened out and put it back on the shelf. Since my Christmas shopping wasn't done yet, I didn't want to spend any money on myself. I had more important people to buy for. I left CostCo without the heater but with immediate regret. By the time we checked out and reached the car I knew I had to have it. I made plans to get one as soon as Christmas was over.
     The next day - while I was at work - that damn heater was consuming me. All I kept thinking was, "Y'know, by the time you go back to get one, they'll be all gone." Well, shit, I couldn't take the thought of that much longer, LOL, so on my lunch-hour I rushed back to CostCo - and this time - I did come home with it!
     I gotta tell ya, this little "HeatDish" is the coolest thing I managed to buy all year long! I love this thing! My cat loves this thing! In about ten minutes my living-room is toasty warm and that's when it's on the "Medium" setting. I don't think I could take it on "High." I'd roast in here. It's amazing. And it's kind'a cute too. It looks like an oscillating fan and a satellite dish got together and miraculously produced offspring:

Click Me to see more cool Presto products!

     There's even a night-light in the base of it which is pretty cool. The light in mine is just plain white but you can get all different colors if you want! Hmmmm... doesn't take much to amuse me, does it? LOL!
     Why the hell am I writing about this? LOL, I really don't know. It's twenty-four degrees outside and I'm sitting here in nothing but a T-shirt. I guess I thought this little HeatDish was worth mentioning.  :-)
     Yup! It's definitely my "Best Purchase" of 2005!
     I wonder what I'll bring home this year...


ENTRY # 63
DATE:  01/02/06 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  My New Year's Resolution(?): Quit Smoking  LOSE SOME FRIGGIN' WEIGHT!!!

     OK, here's the deal. I smoke. I've smoked for years. I started smoking when I was nineteen years old and I've quit numerous times since then. For the last five years or so I've been an "On & Off Again" type smoker. And, honestly, I don't smoke all that much. One pack usually lasts me two or three days.
     This year - for my New Year's Resolution - I decided I'd quit for good. Now, I must admit, I enjoy smoking... and I really only want to quit because the cost of it is getting ridiculous. I'm paying over five bucks a pack and ya know what? That's a lot of money for twenty little cigarettes. I could definitely use that money for something else, right? Right!
     On New Year's Eve, when Adrienne was here, she mentioned she'd like to quit and I said, "Yeah, I think I will too." So, that night, I finished the pack I was working on and planned on NOT buying any more of them. Well, here I am - only two days later - and guess what??? I'm sitting here smoking, LOL, and I'll tell ya why....
     After consuming gigantenormous amounts of food over the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve holidays, I jumped on my scale this morning, and... [*"HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD"*] ...the number I read was truly alarming! I'm 180 pounds!!! I need to do something about myself! This sucks ass!!! Apparently I didn't just "over eat" during the holidays; it was more like grazing! I can't believe I'm almost 200 pounds. DAMN!!! I need to fix this and I need to fix this NOW! I've never been this heavy in my entire life and I'm very unhappy about it, as you can probably tell.
     Quit smoking??? LOL, yeah, right. I don't think so. My New Year's Resolution has officially been changed to "LOSE SOME WEIGHT, Y'FAT BITCH." Since I don't really want to torture myself by doing both at the same time my priority right now is to eat better and exercise. Once I get that under control then I'll work on the "no smoking" drama.
     Oh my God, I'm fat!!! I am totally disgusted with myself. I need to blow the dust off all my Step-Aerobics and Pilates tapes and get off my fat ass! One-eighty?!?!?!? Good grief!
     Wish me luck.... please!


ENTRY # 62
DATE:  01/01/06 (Sunday)
SUBJECT:  Happy New Year!!!

     I'd like to wish all my loyal "DDD" readers a very happy New Year! I hope you all had a "safe" evening last night while "bringing in" 2006. I also hope you spent your New Year's Eve with the people (and food!) you love! That's exactly what I did and had a blast doin' it!
     After spending Thanksgiving and Christmas at Adrienne's house, we decided we'd spend New Year's Eve at my place this time. I had originally planned on making a boiled ham dinner (complete with carrots, potatos, and cabbage) but since I was a little "hammed out" from Thanksgiving/Christmas I called her to see how she'd feel about having my infamous "Nachos Supreme" instead. It had been a few years since I'd made them the last time and I figure "Nachos" would be more appropriate than the more formal ham dinner. She agreed!
     Now, I must explain that my Nachos are much more than the usual Nachos you'll find in a restaurant. Restaurant Nachos are primarily chips, cheese and salsa, topped with a dollop of sour cream; and they're usually served as an appetizer. Ha, ha, ha! This is NOT the case with my Nachos. My Nachos are extreme and, once they're fully prepared, they are served as the "main course."
     Because I want you all to fully grasp what I mean by "extreme," here's what you'll find in my Nachos. For "construction" purposes, if y'all wanna try making them for yourselves, the list is compiled from the bottom up:

BOTTOM LAYER  The "Doctored Up" Chips:

  Nacho chips (preferably the Tostitos brand).
  The chips are covered with a pound of lean hamburger, fried with a package of Ortega Taco Seasoning.
  The hamburger is covered with melted cheese (usually cheddar, spiced with finely ground jalapeño peppers). Cheese Wiz is perfect!
  The cheese is covered with a "bed" of chopped lettuce.

MIDDLE LAYER  The Veggie Combo:

  One medium-sized onion
  One bottle [each] of olives (black AND green)
  One large green pepper
  One small bag of radishes (the small bag usually contains 6)
  One large cucumber
  Half a bag of baby carrots
  One large stalk of broccoli (florets only)
  One medium container fresh mushrooms
  6 to 8 sticks of celery
  One medium jar Dill pickles
  Small jar of Jalapeño peppers

  All veggies are chopped and mixed thoroughly in a large bowl. Once mixed together, strain out the excess juice, then spread the veggies over the bed of lettuce.

TOP LAYER  The Finishing Touch:
  Two 16 oz. containers of sour cream spread evenly over the chopped veggies.
  One bag of Taco flavored Cheddar cheese sprinkled over the top of the whole concoction.

     And there ya go! Amounts will vary depending on your own taste[s] and how many people you plan to serve. When I make mine I use a fifteen inch platter... and when they're done they're about four inches thick, LOL. Needless to say, these are Nachos you don't eat with your fingers. A fork is a must! But, trust me, these Nachos are to die for! This is the dish I'm asked most often to bring to parties. They've been a huge hit for years.
     Anyway... getting back to New Year's Eve... Once we agreed I'd be making the Nachos instead of the boiled ham, I also decided to make up a batch of Macaroni Salad. And Adrienne made her killer meat balls. I don't have the exact recipe yet... all I know for sure is that it calls for Chili sauce and grape jelly! Sounds a little weird, I know, but - MY GOD!!! - these meat balls are incredible!!! She also brought over a container of her mother's "Ambrosia" which is always an amazing treat for dessert! *ahem* She brought over her blender too so we could make Mud-Slides... but I'll get to those later.  :-)
     Good grief... we had enough food here to feed an army and it was just the two of us, LOL. Meat balls, Ambrosia, Nachos, Macaroni Salad, rolls (in case we wanted to make meat ball subs), bagels and cream cheese and an entire selection of "snacks"... Doritos, popcorn, potato chips (with four different dips), Cheese Doodles, miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Hershey's Kisses (with peanut butter in the center), chocolate chip cookies... LOL, you name it, I think we had it! Damn!
     For our entertainment Adrienne brought over some DVDs to watch. We chose "Shogun" with Richard Chamberlain and we watched it all night long. For some reason, I had never seen this movie before, and now - all I've got to say is - I have to buy this movie! It was fantastic! We stuck it in at 5:30pm Saturday night and it concluded at 5:15am Sunday morning. So, thanks to Richard Chamberlain (full beard and all), our New Year's Eve turned into an "All-Nighter."
     When DISC 1 was over we decided it was time to experiment with the blender. We cracked opened a bottle of Cask & Creme's Chocolate Temptation Liqueur, and a bottle of 99 Bananas ( Schnapps liqueur), then tore into our bag of ice. The first batch of Chocolate-Banana Mud-Slides we made was pretty damn good -- even though we had no idea what we were doing, LOL. About three hours later the second batch was even better! This batch also included a mini-bar bottle of Caramel Temptation, and - WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!! - those Mud-Slides were slammin'! Good stuff!
     Once the movie was over I cleaned up the kitchen and we finally hit the sack around 5:30 in the morning. Awake again at 10:30am we made coffee and basically just hung out watching TV 'til around 4 o'clock... then I took her home. It was a fun New Year's Eve. More great food, more great laughs and great Mud-Slides too... all enjoyed in front of an awesome movie!
     And I have a refrigerator full of left overs to eat! COOL!!!! It doesn't get much better than that...
     Happy New Year!


ENTRY # 61
DATE:  12/27/05 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  Only One Typo So Far...

     WOW! I finally received a "Typo Alert." My friend Adrienne caught it ("delux" should have been "deluxe" in the "Perfect Burger" entry), and I just corrected it. Thanks, A! Good lookin' out!
     Hmmmm.... one typo in twenty-five thousand words. Guess I'm a better typist than I thought! I was expecting y'all to catch a lot more than just one...
     Again, I'm throwing the "Find-A-Typo-Let-Me-Know" request out there. If you find anything spelled wrong, or a word used incorrectly, please
email me so I can fix it! Thanks!


ENTRY # 60
DATE:  12/26/05 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  Recap of the Last Few Days...

     OK... let's see... where was I? Oh yes, I had just gotten yelled at in the Home Depot parking lot. I'm sure I'll remember that fondly for years to come!
     Anyway... I've been busy the last few days, that's why you haven't seen me here since Thursday. Sorry 'bout that folks... I know you've missed me, right?  [*ahem*]  RIGHT?!?!?! Yeah, that's what I thought!
     So, now that Christmas is technically over and I'm back online where I belong, here's a recap of my last few days:

     Johnny Damon has officially broken my heart. When I got to work Friday morning "The Septage Sucker" informed me JD has signed with... *GASP* ...the Yankees of all people. GOD! I had forgotten that he was a Free Agent so the news really hit me hard. However, from what you'll read below, you'll see that I handled it with a very mature, sophisticated finesse only a Red Sox fan could muster. The conversation went something like this:

Septage Sucker: Too bad about Damon, huh?
Dove: What?
Septage Sucker: Oh! You haven't heard?
Dove: WHAT???
Septage Sucker: He signed with the Yankees...
Dove: (screaming) OH MY GOD!!!
Septage Sucker: Yeah, fifty-two million dollars...
Dove: (screaming) OH MY GOD!!!
Septage Sucker: Yeah... I can't believe you didn't know already...
Dove: OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!
Septage Sucker: I bet he'll have to shave that beard now...
Dove: (gasping in horror) OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO.......
Septage Sucker: He'll have to cut his hair too, y'know...
Dove: OH SHIT, OH SHIT... OH SHIT!!!
Septage Sucker: Yeah, sucks, huh?
Dove: Oh my God... yeah this sucks! This definitely sucks! Awww man, this is even worse than losing Pedro Martinez to the Mets last year! Oh shit! Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit... When did you hear this?
Septage Sucker: Last night on the news...
Dove: Oh noooooo.... Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God!!!
     And yadda, yadda, yadda... It was not a nice way to start my morning. I'm still not quite used to this fact. Good grief... out of all the teams he could play for he had to sign with our rivals! This totally sucks. Damn! Although... it's not all bad -- he will continue to hang [seductively] on my bedroom wall in his RED SOX uniform forever. So... at least I have that to get me through this.  ;-)  Good luck, Johnny! Even though you're through with the Red Sox I still love ya!

     On this same Friday, my boss also managed to shock me with my Christmas bonus. Y'see, there's one thing you need to understand about my boss... he's as "tight as a bull's ass during fly season" when it comes to his money so the bonuses generally suck from year to year. This year, though, it was awesome! He gave me a gift certificate for a set of tires for my car! How cool is that??? I'm still kind'a stunned...

     Friday night, when I got home from work, I managed to finish up all my Christmas errands - wrapping, bows, name tags -- you name it -- all done! WOOOHOOOOOOO! Yay for me!
     And, on top of the all the Christmas stuff, I also managed two additions to this site. You might have noticed them already, but if not, I'll tell ya what they are... #1: On my "About Dove" bio-page there is now a visible link to Dove's Daily Dish. It was a "hidden link" up until the other night but, thanks to numerous emails from Dish Fans, I decided to "go public," LOL!
     The second addition is a "Dish Index" page for those of you who don't like to scroll. Since The Dish is getting kind'a long, I figured an Index might come in handy.

     All day Saturday I was glued to my TV watching season two of "Monk" with Tony Shalhoub. I love that show! I watched the entire season in one day, LOL, and had fun doin' it too!

     Sunday - Christmas - I spent at Adrienne's house. I got there at 1:30pm and never left 'til 10:30 that night. Was a great day!!! The first hour went something like this:

unwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrap
laughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugh
unwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrap
laughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugh
unwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrap
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unwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrapunwrap
     And then the rest of the afternoon went just like this:
eateateateateateateateatlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugheateateateateatlaugheateateateateat
laughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugheateateateateateateateatlaughlaughlaughlaugheateateateateat
eateateateateateateateatlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugheateateateatlaugheateateateateateat
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laughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugheateateateateateateateatlaughlaughlaugheateateateateateateat
eateateateateateateateatlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaughlaugheateateateatlaugheateateateateateateat
     Damn! ...and I thought I ate a lot on Thanksgiving. LOL, shit, this was Thanksgiving SQUARED! Yikes! I'm afraid if I was to step on my scale right now it would scream a whole list of obscenities at me...
     Merry Christmas indeed! Had a blast! Great company, great food, great laughs and great gifts! Although, Adrienne went a little overboard this year when it came to the "giving" part. I'm kind'a thinkin' that if she had only given me HALF the stuff she did she'd have a down payment for a car in her bank account right about now. Damn! And it wasn't just Adrienne either... her sister and her parents were also adding to my pile of goodies! Good Lord, I came home weighed down with stuff!
     Once I got home, and carried everything up three flights of stairs, I was beat! I got into my pajamas, got comfortable on my couch and stuck in DISC 1 of the Barbra Streisand DVD box set Adrienne gave me. Then it was DISC 2, then on to DISC 3. When that one was over I went to bed.
     First thing this morning I made some coffee and went right back to watching Streisand. I polished off DISCs 4 and 5... then I tackled my new CDs: "Guilty Pleasures" by Barbra Streisand & Barry Gibb and "All Jacked Up" by Gretchen Wilson. Both are WAY cool!!! And then, for the rest of the day, I put away all my other Christmas gifts and tried to get this apartment back in order after the Christmas-Whirlwind that blew threw. Oy!
     It's been a busy couple of days around here.... now I have to face goin' back to work tomorrow. Oh joy! I can hardly wait....


ENTRY # 59
DATE:  12/22/05 (Thursday) 8:30pm
SUBJECT:  "Are You Talkin' to Me?"

     I just got yelled at... in Home Depot's parking lot, LOL. Oh, how I love the Christmas season! People are just so jovial this time of year!
     I had to go to Home Depot to finish my Christmas shopping... finally! As I was driving through the parking lot, trying to leave, a kid almost walked out in front of my car. I saw that he wasn't paying attention so I hit the brakes and missed him by a mile. However, at the same time I was stepping on my brake pedal, the kid's mother grabbed him by the hood of his coat and yanked him backwards out of the way. This was pointless. When my car came to a complete stop I was about two-and-a-half car-lengths away from them. Regardless, she screams at the top of her lungs "SLOW DOWN," and gives me the finger. Sitting behind the wheel of my car I started to laugh which, I'm sure, infuriated her even more.
     I couldn't keep myself from laughing... her little temper-tantrum was totally uncalled for. There was absolutely no need for her to scream at me like that. The entire length of Home Depot's parking lot is lined with speed-bumps. They're spaced about 25 feet apart. And, not to mention, this particular Home Depot shares their parking lot with a Walmart... and since it's three days before Christmas this also means there was approximately three thousand people wandering in front of my car already...
     Now I ask you: How fast did she think I was actually going???? Give me a break! Slow down? Slow down, my ass. If I was going any slower my car would've been in "Park!" But, of course, it was all my fault. The fact that her kid doesn't know how to look both ways before walking into traffic didn't occur to her at all.
     LOL, Happy Holidays, Bitch...


ENTRY # 58
DATE:  12/22/05 (Thursday) 6:00pm
SUBJECT:  "Forwarded" Emails...

     I just received the coolest email I've read in months. Since I'm sure you all have been recipients of more than a few "Forwarded" emails I thought you'd be interested in reading this one. It's a "spoof" on forwarding and what would happen in our daily lives if we actually paid attention to all those annoying emails...

SUBJECT:  Merry Chirstmas!
DATE:  12/22/2005 5:51:16 PM Eastern Standard Time
FROM:  XXXXXXXX@hiddenidentity.com
TO:  LonesomeDoveCall@aol.com

To All My Online Family and Friends:

    As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
     Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
     Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
     Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
     I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
     I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
     I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
     I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
     I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
     I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
     I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
     I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
     I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
     I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their secret recipe.
     I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
     Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
     I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
     I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.
     Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor...
     If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
     Happy Holidays in Advance!!!

     This email is a riot! ...and, unfortunately, I have received just about every one of those "Forwards" at one time or another. LOL! But, hey... ya gotta love the Internet, right?  :-)


ENTRY # 57
DATE:  12/21/05 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Attention Deficit Disorder? Me???

"I don't have ADD... it's just that I don't find what you're saying right now particularly interest-- Oh look, a chicken!"


ENTRY # 56
DATE:  12/20/05 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  "Q&A" With Some "DDD" Readers...

     I've recently received some emails from readers who have been enjoying Dove's Daily Dish. Apparently I have a couple "fans" out there. Awesome! Thanks for reading my ramblings and please, by all means, visit again!
     Anyway, each email included a question regarding some past entries so I thought it would be cool to post them here along with my answers. So... here they are:

Q:  Just curious about something. I loved your entry about Will Smith. I was wondering what other "brothers" are on your HOTTIES list? (from BrwnIdGrl, aka Lena)
A:  Oh boy! Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to say... Denzel Washington, Tyson (the model), Cuba Gooding, Jr., Sean Patrick Thomas, Savion Glover (the dancer), Michael Jordan, and David Ortiz from the Red Sox (though he's really Dominican). That's it for now. If I think of any others I'll add them here. Thanks for asking!

Q:  Why are there twenty pictures of your cat on this site but none of yourself? (from "Jeff")
A:  LOL, well, to make a long story short, it's basically to remain anonymous. I've had trouble with "online stalkers" before and I'm not interested in dealing with that again.

Q:  What's your favorite Stephen King book? (from Luv2ReadSK)
A:  "The Green Mile," "The Stand," "The Shining," "Pet Sematary," "Needful Things," "Rose Madder," "Bag of Bones" and "On Writing" are all at the top of my list. Loved'em all! I don't think I can actually put one above the other though... sorry.

Q:  What's your least favorite SK book? (from Luv2ReadSK)
A:  That's easy... the one SK book I absolutely hated was "Dreamcatcher." It totally sucked-ass! (though, I blame all the meds King was on at the time since he wrote [most of] that one right after the accident he was in.)

Q:  I saw on your Bio page that you like country music. What do you think of Gretchen Wilson's new album? (from "BaddestBoots")
A:  Dunno. I don't have it yet... but I think I'm gettin' it for Christmas so I'll let ya know once I give it a spin! I love the single that's been released so far, "All Jacked Up." It's a great song!

Q:  Love the photos of your cat. What other pets have you had? (from "Jenny")
A:  I've had dogs, other cats, hamsters, ferrets, mice, rats, fish (fresh & salt water tanks), snakes and I've also spent a LOT of my days around horses... but I've never owned my own horse unfortunately.

Q:  You've only got ONE entry about Tommy Lee Jones???? (from "LooneyLorna")
A:  Um... yup... so far! There'll probably be more eventually so make sure you keep coming back to visit!

     That's all, folks. There ain't no more. Whenever I get more I'll post more.


ENTRY # 55
DATE:  12/19/05 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  "Being Italian"

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - "TO NY."

You know you're Italian when...

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block...
     All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when...

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve... only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

You've called someone a "mamaluke."

And you understand "bada bing."


ENTRY # 54
DATE:  12/18/05 (Sunday) 9:30pm
SUBJECT:  Quote, Unquote...

"Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it." - Mary Tyler Moore

"I am not a glutton; I am an explorer of food." - Erma Bombeck

"You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists of merely standing up." - Bob Hope

"The other day I got on a weighing machine that stamps your weight on a card. When the card came out, it said, 'Come back in ten minutes -- alone.'" - Jackie Gleason.


ENTRY # 53
DATE:  12/18/05 (Sunday) 9:00pm
SUBJECT:  Dove's "Thought of the Day"...

     I don't go skinny-dipping;
               I go chunky-dunking.

           *grin*


ENTRY # 52
DATE:  12/17/05 (Saturday) 11:30pm
SUBJECT:  My friend Betty...

     Back in 1997 I met a woman named Betty Wilson. At the time, I was still working for a printing company called American Speedy Printing. One of our customers was the Public Defenders Office located in the New Haven court house. We used to do tons of copy work for them; mostly appellate briefs for use in court-room hearings.
     Anyway, one afternoon - while I was making a delivery to the court house - Betty was standing outside having a quick smoke. She let me into the building and we shared the same elevator up to the PD's office. As it turned out that's the office she worked in. During our elevator ride, somehow we got on the subject of her moving to Maine in two weeks.
     I love the state of Maine and, back then, I was spending quite a bit of time there. I used to travel up to Bangor about twice a month for some serious "hangin' out" time. Bangor is a great little town and, since it's only six hours away, it's perfect for a quick getaway weekend. As soon as Betty mentioned Maine I immediately asked what town she was moving to. She said "Weston" but I had no idea where that was. Then she said, "Oh, it's about two hours north of Bangor." Well, let me tell you, at that moment I felt like I had just met my new "best friend." I told her about how I travel to Bangor a LOT and about my love for Stephen King's work. Since King lives in Bangor I felt it was relevant to mention that also!
     Then it was her turn to react! She loves Stephen King too! When she said that I couldn't help but think, "Yeah, this chick is awesome!" For the next hour I stood in her office after dropping off the copies I had just done for her and we chatted all about King's books. We're both huge readers and, come to find out, we enjoy a lot of the same authors.
     She then told me about the house she and her husband Jim were building. It's a "dome" house (which looks very igloo-like if you're unfamiliar with dome homes) and, fortunately, I also know a lot about their construction since I have family members that live in domes. She then showed me a stack of photos of their place in different stages as it was being built... and once I saw how "off the beaten path" they'd be living that inspired me to tell her about how my folks live out in the middle of nowhere also, in Worthington, MA.
     In that one hour it became very clear we had a lot of stuff in common. When I finally left to head back to work I was a little bummed out. I kept thinking, "She's very cool, but she's moving away in two weeks. That sucks." It was then that I decided during my next trip up to Bangor I'd find Weston, Maine and drop in to surprise her. I smiled all the way back to work.
     As the days passed, I made more deliveries to her office and the visits became longer and longer. Every time we'd talk we'd find more common ground to chat about. During the last visit before she moved she had me sign an autograph book. Though I can't remember exactly what I wrote word for word, I remember writing something about how I'd find her during my next trip to Maine. Hmmmm... now that I think of it, I can't remember if I actually wrote that or if I said it, but I definitely brought it up somehow. She proceeded to give me directions but I stopped her... I told her, "Maine is my second home, I don't need directions. Trust me, I can find you."
     We hugged goodbye, I wished her luck and I left her office to head back to American Speedy. As I was walking I kept laughing to myself 'cause I didn't think Betty really believed I'd actually make the trip up that far just to see her. After all, Weston is an eight hour drive from where I live! It's about 600 miles... which is kind'a far to drive in order to visit someone you hardly know, LOL.
     It was about three months later, I think, when I found myself heading north once again to spend the weekend in Bangor. I was alone this trip and didn't really have any specific plans so, Saturday morning, I woke up early, grabbed my map of Maine and jumped in the car. I was Weston bound and couldn't wait to get there! I discovered the route to Weston is very easy. You just take 1-95 north to Houlton then you jump on Route 1 which takes you right into town. However, if you blink you'll miss the town altogether so you gotta pay attention!
     I found the road she lives on and began searching the woods for a white igloo! It's set back kind'a far from the road and isn't really visible but I did come across a sign hangin' on a tree at the end of a driveway boldly announcing "Wilson's Woods." I figured, "this has got to be the place," so I headed down the driveway. Once I saw the partially completed dome I knew I had definitely found the spot I was looking for so I parked the car and walked the rest of the way in.
     At first, it seemed like no one was home. But then I spotted a pair of legs sticking out from under a mobile camper so I said, "Hi." It was Jim, Betty's husband, and I think I scared the guy half to death. He was obviously not expecting someone to sneak up the driveway unannounced. He informed me Betty wasn't home. She had left about an hour ago to head down to Houlton for something. I asked what kind of car she was driving so I'd know what to look for. I figured since I'd come this far I definitely had to find her. And since Jim was busy working on the camper I didn't want to take up any more of his time. So I headed to Houlton keeping my eyes peeled for her. I got half way there and, sure enough, I spotted a little blue car coming my way. As it passed by me I got a glance at the driver. It was her! Cool!
     I slammed on the brakes, made a quick one-eighty in a little cemetery and floored it. I followed her for a few minutes then pulled up right alongside her car. When she looked over and saw me the expression on her face was priceless, LOL! I will remember it for as long as I live! She was completely shocked! Anyway, I gunned it to pass her and she followed me back to her own house.
     Back in the driveway again, we both jumped out of our cars and the first thing out'a my mouth was, "See? I told you I'd find you!" We ended up spending the majority of the day together. She had never seen Stephen King's house so we drove down to Bangor and took tons of photographs. Then we headed across town to this cool bookstore I knew about called Betts and did some major Stephen King shopping. We drove back up to her place, I visited for a few more hours, then I made the trek back to Bangor where my hotel was. It was an awesome visit!
     As I look back on the day when we first met, it always amazes me how "dead on" my gut feeling was... about how I'd just met a new "best friend." That's exactly what she's become. It's almost nine years later and, even though I don't see her as often as I'd like, she's definitely got a place in my heart. She's an extraordinary woman and I am so glad she mentioned Maine that day. Her friendship means the world to me and knowing her has definitely enriched my life!
     Her husband Jim is cool too! As it turns out, Jim and I have something in common also. We have both mastered the ability to "train flies." It's a finely honed skill. Armed with a fly-swatter we yell "Stay!," and then - WHACK! - the fly stays. LOL!!!
     On a more serious note, he's a brilliant carpenter. There's nothing he can't design and/or build. "Carpenter" doesn't do him justice; "artist" is more like it. He's amazing! He just gets an idea in his head and, a few days later, BANG!, it's finished (no matter what it is), and it's gorgeous!
     It's been about four years since I've seen them but I talked to Betty today for almost two hours. Just hearing her voice made it feel like a real "visit." I love them both! Hopefully sometime in 2006 I can get back up to Wilson's Woods. It's been way too long...


ENTRY # 51
DATE:  12/17/05 (Saturday) 10:30pm
SUBJECT:  Ahhhh... I love Best Buy!

     I headed to Best Buy again to get more Christmas shopping done today. And, low and behold, I finally found the box set of "Sex and the City." I didn't buy it though (yet, that is).... they want two-hundred bucks for it! Ouch! I just couldn't spend that kind of money on myself when my shopping for other people isn't even done yet. And let me tell ya: it was damn hard to leave the store without it. However, I think my Aunt Jean will end up getting it for me. She usually sends me a check for Christmas and then a second check for my birthday in January. As long as I can wait that long I plan on setting aside that money specifically for this box set.
     I didn't leave completely empty handed though! I found exactly what I was looking for for the names on my Christmas Shopping list... and for me I bought the second season of "Monk" on DVD. I also managed to replace all my Harry Potter VHS tapes with DVDs. I did pretty good. They were C-H-E-A-P!!!! I like cheap. Cheap is good!!!
     I also stumbled across the Law & Order DVDs. I watch "Criminal Intent" with Vincent D'onofrio religiously. I think he's a fascinating actor. There's something about him that makes it impossible for me to take my eyes off him whenever he's onscreen. He's mesmerizing... but I have no idea why, LOL. Anyway, they only had season three on the shelf and since I don't have one and two yet I didn't bother buying it. I know they're available now, though, so I'm sure I'll be buying them later on too.

     Other news from Dove's home-front: The package I mailed on Thursday arrived at it's destination on Friday and it was a hit! I was hoping it'd be a surprise and it was! Cool!



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