Entries 100 - 76

ENTRY # 100
DATE:  03/16/06 (Thursday)
SUBJECT:  Stuff To Do When You're Bored...

     Had fun at work today. My boss wasn't in... and since I've managed to get all caught up (after being on vacation last week) I spent the majority of the afternoon screwing around online. I found some entertaining links that kept me thoroughly occupied for hours today.
     I emailed a few of them to myself so I'd be able to find them again once I got home tonight. I figured I'd post them here in case y'all ever need something to do when you're bored...

Test Your Reflexes

     The crossword puzzle link is awesome. I spent WAY too much time today trying to solve those darn things! It's time consuming but fun! And the Block Frenzy game is simple but addicting!
     Have fun!

ENTRY # 99
DATE:  03/13/06 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  Back to Work!  "Welcome Back to Hell... We've Missed You!"

     Do y'all remember the movie "The Fugitive" with Tommy Lee Jones and Harrison Ford? Do ya remember how the bus crashed in the beginning, leaving chaotic destruction and blinding confusion in it's wake? Well, when TLJ shows up right after the bus accident, his very first line in the movie is, "My, my, my... what a mess."
     When I showed up at work this morning it was as if I walked directly onto the set of "The Fugitive." My shop (minus the flames and dead bodies, of course) looked exactly like that bus accident scene! As I stood there surveying the damage done to my work-space the words "My, my, my... what a mess" kept rattling around in my head.
     Dear, God! It looked like a bomb went off. There was shit everywhere! It took me four hours just to get the place put back in order. Once I cleaned up after everyone, put things away, and tracked down other stuff that was put away in the wrong spot, I was so irritated I decided I'd make the deliveries next so I could leave for a while...
     Making the deliveries did NOT help soothe my irritation at all; it only made it worse because I found myself delivering stuff that should've been delivered days ago. After driving around for an hour I was livid by the time I made it back to the shop. At that point it was already 1:30pm and I was starving so I went to lunch.
     An hour later - 2:30 now - I was finally able to start doing some "real" work. After a few minutes of prioritizing the jobs that needed to be done I realized I was swamped and that there was no way I'd be able to finish everything by the end of the day. For the remaining three hours I concentrated on getting all the "quickie jobs" done, leaving the two large jobs for tomorrow.
     By the time I left work I was exhausted and still pissed off. Every single time I come back from a vacation I find a mess waiting for me. I've been back to work for a measly eight hours and I'm totally stressed out all over again! This is ridiculous...
     And, to top it all off, when I got home from work Sweety Face wanted nothing to do with me at all. As soon as I walked in she hid under the bed! Good grief... I'm starting to wonder if taking a vacation is even worth it.

ENTRY # 98
DATE:  03/12/06 (Sunday)
SUBJECT:  Vacation Update (Part 4)...

     Damn. It's almost midnight... which means my vacation is just about over. This sucks. I can't believe how fast the week flew by. I'm not looking forward to hearing the alarm clock go off at 7:00am tomorrow morning. And my cat is gonna be pissed too! She's gotten so used to having me around all week I'm sure I'll be greeted with a cold shoulder when I get home from work tomorrow night. Goody, goody! Although, I 'spose her cold shoulder is better than the "Shower Stalking" that's been going on lately... :-)
     Didn't do all that much this weekend. Nothing exciting anyway. Yesterday morning I woke up early so I could get my grocery shopping out of the way. I usually shop late at night to avoid crowded aisles and long lines but I discovered that if you go at six in the morning the same is true. It felt like I had the whole place to myself. I was home by 7:30am and had everything put away by 8:00. After that, I made a pot of coffee, played a few hands of Solitaire on this computer of mine, then I went to the Vet's office to get more food for Sweety Face. Good grief! $37.00 for an eighteen pound bag of cat food! I swear, she eats better than I do half the time!
     Even though I only went for food I ended up staying at the Vet's office for over an hour. When I walked in there was nobody in the waiting room at all. BUT, as I was writing out my check to pay for the kitty kibble, a humongous Saint Bernard came lumbering out of the Doctor's office. Saint Bernards are cool!!! I absolutely ADORE Saint Bernards so I was in heaven as soon as I saw him!
     His name was Leviathan ("Levi" for short); and I also learned he recently celebrated his fourth birthday and that he weighs 257 pounds! So, yeah, this was a huuuuuuge dog! Very friendly too - thankfully - since I immediately sat on the floor to play with him! In record time I was covered from head to toe with slobber and dog hair but I loved every minute of it!
     By the time I got home from the Vet's office and de-furred myself it was 11:00am. I polished off an entire container of Vine-Fresh Grape Tomatoes for brunch while reading all my mail... it was mostly junk but I did receive one cool email from a friend. He sent me a "Guidelines For Cats" link that I thought was pretty funny so here it is (in case you're interested):


     Once all the e-mail was sorted through I made myself comfortable on the couch and started the "TLJ Marathon" I'd been planning. From 11:30am (Saturday morning) to 2:00am (this morning) I managed to watch seven movies. I started with his most recent stuff and worked backwards so I ended up watching "Man of the House," "The Missing," "The Hunted," "Men In Black II," "Space Cowboys," "Rules of Engagement" and "Double Jeopardy." At that point I was fairly wiped out so I crawled off to bed.
     Sweety Face woke me up this morning at 7:30 looking for her breakfast... and once I'm up, I'm up. After preparing her breakfast I decided to treat myself to breakfast too! I hardly ever eat in the morning but I figured I'd need my strength to get through "Part Two" of the TLJ Marathon, LOL! I made myself a Western Omelette with Cheddar and Monterrey Jack cheese and I even cooked up a few slices of Spam for on the side.
     Yeah, yeah, yeah... for those of you who just groaned in disgust at the mention of Spam, YES, I admit it! I actually eat Spam. I know it's not the most delectable choice but I didn't have any sausage or bacon on hand so Spam it was. And, lemme tell ya, when it's fried up just right and lightly drizzled with maple syrup it's damn good eatin'.
     A slice of Cinnamon-Raisin toast and a pot of Chocolate-Raspberry flavored coffee completed today's breakfast menu! After I managed to lug it all into the living-room I planted myself - once again - in front of my DVD player. As I dug into my Cholesterol-saturated feast with one hand my other hand hit the PLAY button continuing the Marathon! Today's TLJ Selection included "Small Soldiers," "US Marshals," "Men In Black," "Volcano," "Batman Forever," "The Good Old Boys," "COBB" and "Blue Sky."
     So... in two days I managed to watch (drum-roll, please!) fifteen Tommy Lee Jones movies! That's approximately thirty hours of nothing but TLJ! LOL, Dove's a happy woman right now!  ;-)
     I was also hoping to squeeze in "The Client," "Blown Away," "The Fugitive" and "House of Cards" but I ran out of day. Those will just have to wait 'til next weekend.
     Now that it's 11:37pm Sunday night I just realized something. I never did my laundry. Wonderful. Guess I'll be stuck doing it during the week after work...
     Yup, vacation's definitely over.

ENTRY # 97
DATE:  03/10/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Vacation Update (Part 3)

     Good grief, it's Friday already! Even though I haven't done all that much during my vacation the week has flown by. Oh well... all good things must come to an end.
     Had an interesting experience with my cat Wednesday evening. I was taking a shower - testing out the new liner I bought - and, all of a sudden, my cat comes running into the bathroom meowing at me. This has never happened before so my first thought was something was wrong with her. I jumped out of the tub, wrapped a towel around myself so I wouldn't drip all over the floor, and I proceed to inspect my cat for bodily injuries. She seemed fine so I got back into the tub and started washing my hair.
     A few minutes later she comes back and starts meowing at me again but, this time, it's a lot louder... as if she's demanding something from me. Convinced that my apartment must be on fire (or something along those lines because of her now-frantic tone) I jump out of the tub once more and I inspect the entire apartment making sure everything is OK. I also made sure to check her food and water bowls to ensure that she wasn't just hungry or thirsty. While I'm doing all this she's still in the bathroom crying.
     Not being able to figure out what's wrong with my cat, I jump back into the tub for the third time to finish my shower. And that's when it hit me. I look down and, sure enough, my cat is standing on her hind feet with her front feet perched on the edge of the tub, staring directly at me with a very inquisitive look on her face.
     The new liner I bought for my tub is clear vinyl. She can see through it now - which is a whole new experience for her - and this was the problem the whole time. Being that she can see me in the tub but can't get to me in the tub was - apparently - a very upsetting issue for her. When she saw me looking at her she started crying again.
     To test my theory, I reached around the liner and let her sniff my fingers. She licked some water off my hand then laid down in the middle of the floor. I figured she'd get bored after a few minutes and leave but this was not the case. She didn't cry anymore but, for the entire length of my shower, her eyes were glued to me as if some miraculous event was going on in the tub that she just had to witness!
     OK... um... I know she's just a cat. And I also know that a cat staring at me in the shower really shouldn't bother me. But y'know what? It was a little unsettling. In fact, it was downright weird. The fact that she was staring at me really didn't bother me all that much. It was the expression on her face that bothered me. I can't even find appropriate words to describe it accurately.... but "appalled fascination" seems to work well enough. If there was ever a time when I wanted to know exactly what my cat was thinking this was the time!
     Thursday morning I went racing back to Walmart to get another shower curtain so I could put Sweety Face's "Tub-Liner Fixation" to rest. The standard length of a shower curtain is 71 or 72 inches long which I now know is too long to use with my tub. There are none shorter so for a few moments - while standing in the "Bathroom Stuff" aisle at the store - I was stumped. Since I insist on having an "All Pink" bathroom finding something that would match my towels and bath-mat made the selection process even more difficult. I eventually found another vinyl liner (with a variety of pink and maroon flowers all over it) that could take the place of a regular curtain so I bought it.
     When I got the damn thing home and opened it I discovered my mistake. It's actually another clear liner with flowers spaced evenly in rows and columns across the whole thing.... which means there are some blank areas that I automatically perceived as "peek holes." Wonderful! My next thought was, "Well, maybe my cat won't notice." This was immediately followed with, "Yeah, right."
     This morning - right after my coffee - I jumped in the shower. As I'm bent over washing my hair I look to the right and - you guessed it - in between a maroon rose and a pink carnation there's a little furry face with gigantic green eyes staring in at me!
     I give up! There is NO WAY I'm buying a third liner just to appease my cat. Sweety Face will just have to overcome this "Shower Separation Anxiety" on her own. I'm sure that after a few months she'll be fine... I hope!
     Moving on...
     While I was at Walmart I also bought "Walk the Line" (the movie about June & Johnny Cash) and the new Harry Potter movie. Before I was able to watch them I had to hook up the new DVD player my Mom bought me back in January for my birthday. My old one finally died right at the end of Lonesome Dove the other day.
     I know all you cat owners out there know exactly how difficult this simple installation became. But, for the NON-cat owners, here's the reason why this ten-minute process turned into an hour-long project:
     Take the big box out of the plastic bag it was carried home in.
     Remove cat from the bag before she suffocates herself.
     Find scissors to open the DVD box.
     Brush the cat off the top of the box so it can be opened.
     Remove DVD player from box.
     Remove cat from the box so you can put it away.
     Take the Styrofoam corners off the DVD player.
     Take the Styrofoam corners away from the cat before they're fully shredded and you're forced to vacuum.
     Take DVD player out of the plastic bag it's packaged in.
     Remove cat from the plastic bag.
     Open all the little bags containing hook-up wires.
     Remove little bags from between cat's teeth.
     Remove the twisty-ties tied around the hook-up wires.
     Take twisty-ties away from cat before one becomes lodged in her throat.
     Turn the TV around to access the back of it.
     Remove cat from behind the TV.
     Place DVD player on top of TV.
     Remove cat from behind the TV.
     Find a flashlight so you can see the tiny writing on the back of the TV.
     Remove cat from the top of the DVD player.
     And so on and so forth...
     So, yeah, an hour later, I'm finally able to watch my new movies. "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" was pretty good. Not great, but good. The special effects were awesome but the movie itself - as far as "story line" is concerned - was kind'a "blah" for lack of a better word. From beginning to end not much happens. It's basically just a stepping stone to the next movie. I'm glad I bought it, and I probably will watch it again, but I wasn't that impressed.
     "Walk the Line" was fabulous! I've never been much of a Reese Witherspoon fan. "Sweet Home Alabama" and the "Legally Blonde" movies she's done in the past totally turned me off. Between the three of them I was under the impression that playing an "airhead" was the extent of her acting abilities. "Walk the Line" has given me a whole new attitude. Reese is an amazing actress! Her presentation of June Carter was flawless! She nailed it! And Joaquin Phoenix was equally brilliant in his portrayal of Johnny Cash. This is a great movie!!! And what made it even more impressive was the fact that there was no lip-syncing. Reese and Joaquin did all the singing throughout the whole movie... and they even learned how to play all the instruments too! That blew me away! They were both awesome in this movie!
     So far, watching those two movies (and of course the chicken at Bennigan's) has been the most exciting part of this vacation. Not that I mind... LOL... I was definitely looking forward to a week of rest and relaxation and that's exactly what I got! And the only thing I've got lined up for the weekend is more of the same. Besides a few errands, and getting some laundry done, I'm looking forward to the Tommy Lee Jones DVD marathon I've got planned. Out of the forty-five TLJ DVDs I have, how many of them do you think I can squeeze in? Fifteen? Twenty?  :-)
     Life is good...

ENTRY # 96
DATE:  03/08/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Vacation Update (Part 2)...

     Went out to dinner with Adrienne last night. Instead of going to the Diner like we usually do we chose Bennigan's this time. I ordered the Mediterranean Grilled Chicken and it was incredible. Definitely the best chicken I've ever eaten! The dish consisted of two chicken breasts marinated in rosemary and garlic (grilled to perfection) served on a bed of homemade mashed potatoes with vegetables and rosemary demi sauce. Excellent!!!
     When I came home from dinner I found a package waiting for me on the front porch from my Aunt Jean. Thanks to a warning from my Mom I knew the package was coming. I say "warning" because Aunt Jean's gifts are always a little strange. Sometimes they're downright bizarre. Anyway, this package contained a pair of earrings, cuff links that my grandfather had given to her years ago, some magazines and a hat she knitted for me.
     The earrings are cool... but the cuff links I have absolutely no use for. I'm glad she sent them to me, though, since they originally came from my grandfather. And why she sent me magazines I have no idea. My Mom said they were "old magazines" so I was expecting something that might have a "collectible" value... like old issues of Time or Life from the '50s or '60s. However, the oldest magazine she sent me is an issue of "George" from May 1998. I don't get it, LOL. In the note she included in the package she said she thought I'd be able to find someone online who'd be interested in them. When I saw how "new" they were I couldn't help but laugh but I thought to myself, "Hey, she's ninety years old, cut her some slack." LOL
     Now... about the hat she sent. Um... first of all, I'm not a hat person. I don't wear hats. Not even in the dead of winter do I wear hats. And, honestly, if I did wear hats, this is not a hat I'd wear. As soon as I saw it I cracked up. I just couldn't help myself. The thought of wearing this thing in public is absolutely hysterical... and this is why:

A. It's way too big.
B. It has ear-flaps.
C. It resembles a helmet when you put it on.
D. It's purple and orange.
     I appreciate the fact that she made it for me, and I will keep it, but I will never wear this thing. LOL, no way! I'd look like an Easter egg with legs. Personally, that's a look I try to stay away from!
     I managed to put together my new bookcase today. So far, the bottom shelf is full of books and the middle shelf is full of cat. Sweety Face has taken to sleeping on the middle shelf so, until I can figure out what I'm gonna put there, that shelf is temporarily hers.
     I also hung the new liner in my tub. Not the shower curtain, just the liner. I tried to hang the shower curtain too but, shortly after it was out of the package, I discovered it was way too long. The liner was too long also but that I was able to cut since it was made out of vinyl. I just hacked a foot off the bottom and it was fine. Wasn't able to do that with the curtain, though, so I threw it out. Hey - *shrug* - it was only twelve bucks so who cares? I'll be heading back to Walmart later in the week to find something else I guess. Oh well...
     And around four o'clock today I called into work to see how things are going. I was getting a little anxious since I hadn't heard from my boss yet. I was sure he'd call before now since it's already Wednesday. I started thinking that no phone call meant that no work was getting done at all; that they were saving everything for me to do on Monday. After "checking in" I was relieved to discover that - so far - production is still on schedule. The pressman is doing all the bindery work so I won't be buried when I come back. Cool!!! That's definitely a load off...

ENTRY # 95
DATE:  03/06/06 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  Vacation Update...

     Saturday I watched "Lonesome Dove." All six hours of it. In one sitting. I love that movie! Whenever I put the first DVD in I always end up watching the entire thing. What a cast! Robert Duvall, Tommy Lee Jones, Danny Glover, Diane Lane, Robert Urich, Rick Schroder, Anjelica Huston, Frederic Forrest and a whole bunch of cows! It just doesn't get much better than that! GREAT MOVIE!!! I might even watch it again tomorrow, LOL!
     Saturday night I was online chatting with Ana (my sister in Mexico). Once a month we "meet for coffee" and we stay awake half the night chatting {typing?} away. She had great news! She applied for her Visa last week and the U.S. Embassy has already reviewed and accepted all her paperwork. She's anxiously awaiting to receive the Visa in the mail. We are very excited about this! The Visa means she can now visit the United States and we'll finally be able to meet in person. WOOHOOOO!!! She doesn't even have the Visa yet and we're already talking about what airport I'll be picking her up at, LOL.
     All day Sunday I sat in front of my TV watching the "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" marathon. It was kind'a boring since I had already seen all the episodes before except for one... but I sat and watched them all anyway. Hey, I'm on vacation, I can do whatever I want! :-) Hell, I didn't even get dressed. I stayed in my pajamas all day... and it was great!
     And the highlight of my day today was a trip to Walmart. I bought a new shower curtain and liner for my tub, some adhesive lint-rollers (yes, for all the cat hair as mentioned in Entry # 93), two pairs of jeans, a sweater and a bookcase. Lugging the bookcase up three flights of stairs was interesting. It's in a box, and it's not very big, but it's made out of that "compressed board" stuff so it weighs a ton! I thought I was gonna die before I reached the second landing. Putting it together - and filling it up with books - is my project for tomorrow. Cool! I love building stuff!
     And I actually managed to get through the whole day without receiving a phone call from my boss! So far, so good!

ENTRY # 94
DATE:  03/03/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  On Vacation!!!

     It's official. As of 7:00pm this evening I am on vacation! I don't go back to work 'til March 13th. WOOHOOOOO! Although, I'm not as excited about this as I should be. I have no idea how they're going to get through the week without me. I even worked a little late today to make sure that every bit of my work was done so they won't have to worry about any of the current "in-house" jobs when I'm gone. All they'll have to deal with is the work that actually comes in next week... and that's what I'm worried about. Worried? No, "worried" isn't the best choice of words, I guess. "Stressing over" is more like it.
     Basically, all the work my "shop" produces goes through me. Every damn bit of it! Over the years I've become one of those typical employees you hear about who does everything. I tell ya, my boss really struck gold when he hired me all those years ago.
     I was hired back in 1997 for the "Bindery" position. For those of you who don't know what "bindery" (or "finishing") is, here's a list of what it entails:  cutting, folding, perforating, scoring, numbering, padding, GBC/Coil/Velo/Wir-O/FastBack book-binding, laminating, mounting, trimming, framing, collating, stapling, and shrink-wrapping...
     Today, in 2006, my job still includes all the bindery work but I've taken on a shit-load of other stuff too. Along with getting all the bindery done I also do all the copy work... and I mean ALL of it. Whether it's black n' white, color, off-the-glass or digital files, I do it all. I make all the deliveries and pick-ups. I answer the phone. I send FAXes. I file all our invoices for bookkeeping. I pull all the artwork (and Job Histories) for our Graphics Department. I pull, and cut, all the stock for the pressman. I do all our Shipping and Receiving. I do all the proofreading and plate checking before the jobs go to press. I do all the QC (Quality Control) and all the packaging so the jobs can be delivered to our customers. And, for the last year or two, I've become the back-up person on the front counter taking care of our "walk-in" customers when the boss isn't available.
     Oh, LOL, and on top of all this, I'm the one that does all the "Bitch work" too. I water the plants, take out the garbage, vacuum, dust, mop the floor and I flatten all our boxes so the Recycling guys will haul them off. And my absolute favorite activity - yes, I'm being very sarcastic here - is cleaning all the piss off the toilet-seats and, if you can believe it, off the FLOOR 'cause the men I work with have lousy aim!
     I'm also the one who gets stuck running errands for the boss... I make trips back n' forth to the bank making deposits or getting change for our register. I make numerous trips to Stop n' Shop for coffee, cream, sugar, snacks, toilet paper, paper towels and God knows what else. I go to the post office and, occasionally, I'm also sent out to pick up his dog from the Groomer.
     My boss absolutely refuses to hire any one else so all this falls on my shoulders just about every day. Needless to say, I have NO IDEA what I'll be in for when I return to work. I imagine I'll be buried up to my neck for at least a week trying to get the place back in order.
     Before I was able to leave work tonight my boss took me aside and asked for all the phone numbers of where I'd be while on vacation, LOL. Super! (Yes, I'm being sarcastic again.) He now has my cell number, my home number, my Mom's number and my email address so he can reach me if he has any questions. He said he'd try not to bother me but I highly doubt he'll be able to make it through the week without calling me for something.
     On my way home from work I had to stop at the store for milk, cigarettes, PowerBall tickets and some Sprite. By the time I made it home - only twenty minutes after leaving work, mind you - there was already a message on my answering machine from my boss!!! He left the same message on my cell phone too 'cause he didn't know which one I'd check first. Good grief!
     I spent about two hours on the phone with Adrienne tonight, venting about all of this, and I feel a little better now but this whole situation totally sucks ass. I really need to find a new job. I shouldn't be stressed out about taking a vacation... this is ridiculous.

ENTRY # 93
DATE:  03/02/06 (Thursday)
SUBJECT:  You Know You're a Cat Lover When...

You do not consider an outfit complete if there is no cat hair on it.

You snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down.

You include your cat's name on the outgoing message of the answering machine.

You consider cat hair in your food "extra fiber."

Nobody's feet are allowed on the furniture, but your cats are welcome to sleep on any piece they so choose.

You sleep on the edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle.

Vaccination and licensing records for all your cats are in perfect order, but your checkbook hasn't been balanced in months.

You refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litter-box."

You apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.

You refer to your cat as your child.

Your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild."

You accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name!

You call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat.

You own ten varieties of kitty nail-clippers.

All kinds of things around the house are in need of repair, but the injured cat you rescued by the side of the road requires immediate surgery and out comes the checkbook.

You cut your vacations to 3-day weekends only.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your cat.

You kiss your cat more than five times per greeting.

Lint-wheels are on your shopping list every week.

More than half your grocery money goes to cat food and treats.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your cat(s).

Onlookers grimace at the sight of you sharing your sandwich with your cat, bite for bite.

The highlight of your day is spending time with your cat.

The thought of changing a baby's diaper makes you swoon, but you can pick up cat poop barehanded, if necessary, without batting an eye.

When you need someone to talk to, your cat is your first choice.

You and the cat come down with something like the Flu on the same day. Your cat sees the Vet immediately while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.

You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your cat is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

You buy premium quality cat kibble for your cat, but live on take-out, frozen pizza, and blue-box macaroni and cheese yourself.

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your cat.

You don't go to Happy Hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your cat.

You don't think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your cat.

You have 32 different names for your cat. Most make no sense, but the cat understands them all.

Your personal stationary has a photo of your cat included on it.

You make up little songs that you sing to your cat.

You often claim that it was "love at first sight" with you and your cat.

You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your cat can reach all her favorite spots.

You sign and send Christmas cards from your cat.

You spend more time and effort grooming your cat than yourself.

You take bereavement leave when your cat dies.

You talk about your cat the way other people talk about their kids.

You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your cat than go to the movies with your sweetie.

Your "Welcome" mat has a cat on it.

Your cookie jar has never seen the likes of people cookies.

Your cat does something wonderfully cute, and you call all your friends to tell them about it.

Your cat gets sick and you sleep next to her in a sleeping bag in the kitchen in case she needs you.

Your cat is the star of your Website!

Instead of the kids' drawings, you have photos of your cat on the front of the refrigerator.

Your cat sleeps under the covers with you.

Your trunk has an emergency food kit for any strays you might come across.

Your Vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

Your Vet, back-up Vet, and Emergency Vet Clinic are all programmed into your cell phone.

You're willing to pet-sit but not baby-sit for your friends.

You've conducted a taste test for cat food by buying multiple brands of food and evaluating your cat's interest in each one.

You sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cat when you move.

You feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork.

You have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator.

You watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote.

You give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas.

You put off making the bed until the cat gets up.

You have a custom-made key chain with your cat's photo on it.

And, YES - in case you're wondering - these all apply to Sweety Face and I.  :-)

ENTRY # 92
DATE:  02/28/06 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  Ha, ha, ha...

  Mike: "I think I'm getting old."
  Beth: "Why do you say that?"
  Mike: "This morning I got complimented on my new alligator shoes."
  Beth: "What's wrong with that?"
  Mike: "I was barefoot."

     Moe was bitten by a rabid dog. Jethro went to visit him and found Moe writing out a list of names. Jethro said, "Moe, rabies can be cured. You shouldn't worry about making a will."
     "What do you mean, a will?" asked Moe. "I'm writing down the names of all the people I want to bite."

And this - my personal favorite - actually took place today between myself and The Septage Sucker:

Dove:  "Morning. What's up with you?"
  TSS:  "I'm not feeling like myself today."
Dove:  "I know, that's why I asked... 'cause I noticed the improvement!"

ENTRY # 91
DATE:  02/24/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  The Day My Mom Farted.  Where I Get My Ideas for Blog Entries...

     I realized something today at work. It's been a year since I've actually gone out to see a movie. The last movie I saw in the theater was "Man of the House" starring Tommy Lee Jones... and that was on February 25th, 2005. Hmmph! I guess I need to get out more, LOL.
     I realized something else today too. My boss farts a lot. I don't know exactly what his problem is but, I guess, he's got some kind of "gastro" issue going on that he can't control all that well. Just about every day - and sometimes it's numerous times a day - I hear the guy farting. And, the thing is, it doesn't seem to faze him at all. He doesn't even care if other people are around. It doesn't matter if you're standing right next to him or having a conversation with him or even when you're trying to eat your lunch... he just lets one rip right in front of you with no shame at all. And then the Pig doesn't even say "Excuse me." Nothing. It's just fart, fart, fart, with no acknowledgement whatsoever. It's annoying and, not to mention, repulsive.
     Since I spent most of my afternoon reflecting on movies and farts I was reminded of the evening I went to see "The Last Unicorn" with my mother. I remember nothing at all about the movie itself other than the fact that it was animated... and I think it was released in either 1983 or 1984 so I was thirteen or fourteen at the time. Why we went to see this particular movie, I have no idea, but we did...
     Now, give me a moment here to set the stage... here we are sitting in the theater surrounded by some other folks. The theater was far from packed but, I'd say, there was probably about thirty seats taken. We chatted quietly through all the previews and opening credits as did everyone else. The lights dimmed and everyone settled down to watch the film.
     About fifteen minutes into the movie I'm sitting there - minding my own business, munching on my M&Ms - concentrating on the unicorn's current predicament when, all of a sudden, I hear "Poop!" followed by my Mom's hushed voice as she whispers a rather frantic, "Woops! Excuse me."
     Immediately following "The Poop" I turn to my mother and blurt out, "Oh my God, you farted?!?!" My head is now whipping around in all directions trying to see if anyone else heard it. A guy sitting two rows behind us is snickering to himself and, in my fourteen-year-old mind that means, yes, he did in fact here my Mom fart. This set me off and now I'm laughing hysterically.
     My mother is totally embarrassed by now but, since I'm laughing uncontrollably, she starts laughing too. This is the precise moment in time when I learned that laughter and gas don't mix.
     In the middle of our laughing fit I hear a second "Poop." This poop was not as subtle as the first one. This poop was an "all cheek," seat-cushion-rattling POOOOP! followed by a rapid-fire (just like a machine gun) succession of "Poop-poop-poop!" It sounded like her butt was stuttering.
     We're both roaring with laughter now and somehow - right out loud - I manage to gasp, "AGAIN?!?! OH MY GOD, YOU STINK!!! I'M OUT'A HERE!" I got up, stomped down the aisle a ways and sat down again six or seven rows away from her. I turn around to look back and she's now slunk down in her seat - completely mortified - trying to hide, laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Through her laughter she's begging, "Come back, come back here... I'm done, I'm all done, I promise."
     Well, I'm no fool. I stayed right where I was waiting for our laughing fit to subside. About twenty minutes later I snuck back to the chair next to my Mom, tested the air reluctantly with three quick sniffs to make sure it was safe, then sat back down. After that the rest of the movie was Poop Free.
     Back at work I snap out of my reverie and realize I'm standing there - in front of the copier - literally laughing out loud. My second realization is that the Septage Sucker is staring at me.
     "What's so funny?" he asked.
     "My Mom farted."
     Since he's the Septage Sucker, the King of All that Smells, he's very interested in this subject.
     "When?" he asks.
     I answered him with, "About twenty years ago," and I started cracking up again.
     "Twenty years ago??? And it's funny now?"
     "Yeah, kind've... I guess. But what's even funnier is the fact that I think I've just come up with tonight's Blog entry."
     So... there ya go. That's my essay on "Where I Get My Blog Entry Ideas."
     Hmmmm... I wonder how long it'll take for my Mom to call me after she reads this entry, LOL!!! I predict about ten seconds.  :-)

ENTRY # 90
DATE:  02/19/06 (Sunday) 7:15pm
SUBJECT:  Quote, Unquote...

"I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time." - Charlie Brown.

"One out of four people in this country is mentally imbalanced. Think of your three closest friends -- if they seem okay, then you're the one." - Ann Landers.

"Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination." - Lily Tomlin

"At least my neurosis is creative. It could have been writer's block." - Woody Allen

"I can't live without that blanket. I can't face life unarmed." - Linus

"Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity." - Snoopy

ENTRY # 89
DATE:  02/19/06 (Sunday) 2:00pm
SUBJECT:  We Have a Winner!

     Someone finally hit the PowerBall jackpot last night. I have no idea how much money they actually walked away with after taxes but - damn - it was a LOT. Millions, millions and more millions.
     LOL, I won three bucks.
     Guess this means I still have to go to work tomorrow. (*shrug*) Oh well...

ENTRY # 88
DATE:  02/18/06 (Saturday) 10:00pm
SUBJECT:  "Curiously Strong"

     I've had an interesting couple of days. Some good stuff happened and some bad stuff happened. I'll start with the good stuff first...
     I managed to finally make an appointment at H&R Block the other day. I went into it not knowing what to expect. I usually get money back at the end of the year but, this year, I was a little nervous about it. Back in May of 2005 I got a substantial raise and, ever since, I've been keeping my fingers crossed that our payroll company made the necessary adjustments to my paycheck. I kept imagining that they might have overlooked my raise and I'd end up having to pay the IRS hundreds of dollars at the end of the year. Thankfully - and boy, do I mean thankfully - this was not the case. With Federal and State refunds combined I'm getting back $1,277.00! WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!! That is awesome!!! Hopefully I can tuck the entire amount away and put it towards a new car. WISH ME LUCK!!!
     Today is my Aunt Jean's ninetieth birthday. Unfortunately, I was not able to attend the party - thanks to more car trouble - but my Mom went and had a great time! She called me tonight when she got home and told me all about it. The party was a huge success! She said the food was fabulous and it was awesome to see all the relatives again.
     Back in January, when my Mom came to visit me for my birthday, I had given her a copy of "Dialogues" (the novel by Stephen Spignesi) to read. After hearing me brag about this book for months she had to read it so she brought it home with her. She absolutely LOVED the book. I told her she should email Steve and tell him that instead of just telling me. She did and, a day later, she received a reply from Steve. I still don't know exactly what Steve said to her but, whatever it was, she was thrilled. In fact, she was SO thrilled, she printed out three copies of it and actually laminated one of them, LOL. I haven't been to her house since then but I'm willing to bet the laminated copy is hanging proudly on the front of her refrigerator!
     Anyway, the copy of "Dialogues" I gave to her was originally meant for my Aunt Jean. I was supposed to mail it to her but I never got around to it. Since my Mom knew she'd be attending the party for Jean she asked if she should bring the book along and give to her there. I said, "Yeah, cool, that'll work!"
     My Mom had also put one of the copies of Steve's email into the book for Jean to read. Well, let me tell you, the email - and of course the book itself - was a huge hit at the party! Since I had also bragged about the book to Jean in numerous letters she was thrilled to finally have her own copy of it. But, before my Mom gave it to her, other relatives were asking what it was about, who it was by and why she brought it with her. After hearing my Mom's story, and reading the email she received from Steve, it sounds like my entire family will be rushing to the bookstore to get themselves a copy. Even Betty and Lynn (cousins that came all the way from Canada) were excited about it and can't wait to read it! How cool is that?!?!
     And now... the bad stuff. Yesterday, shortly after I got to work, I learned that our Waterbury branch burned down. The fire started at 4:30am yesterday morning. A "Good Samaritan" happened to be driving by and saw the flames so he/she called the fire department immediately. Unfortunately, though, by the time the firemen arrived it was too late to save anything. All they could do was stop the burning and even that took a lot of effort. The building where the Waterbury branch is (was) located was huge. There were sixteen companies in this one building and - from what I've heard - they've all been totally destroyed.
     So... this situation kind'a sucks for me. Now that they're gone my branch is swamped with work. Since yesterday morning I've already put in nine hours of overtime. I worked late last night and I also worked all day today. Goody, goody. I have to admit I do need the extra money that the overtime offers but I have a feeling - for the next couple of weeks - I'll have no life whatsoever. I'll be the one working my ass off on the weekends, and at night, until Waterbury can get back on their feet. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it...
     Neither is my cat. Sweety Face is completely disgruntled over the fact that I wasn't home on time to prepare her dinner last night. It was two hours late! And today I got nothing but a cold shoulder from her when I finally came home. I'm not looking forward to the cattitude I'll, no doubt, be receiving for the next couple of weeks.
     On top of all this - as if the Waterbury fire and my cat weren't enough - I learned a very valuable lesson today; though I'm not sure if it qualifies as "good stuff" or "bad stuff"...
     Because today is Saturday it didn't dawn on me to bring my lunch to work like I do during the week. Even though I had a feeling I'd be stuck there all day the thought never occurred to me. Around one o'clock I was starving but, I had so much work to do, I didn't want to waste time by going out to get some food. Instead, I tore my purse apart looking for something - anything - to appease my rumbling stomach. At first I found nothing but gum, Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks and a couple lint-covered Life Savers. But then I struck gold! I found a tin of Altoids - the "curiously strong" mints - rattling around at the very bottom of my purse. Excited over my discovery I thought to myself, "All-righty then!" and I popped about eight of them into my mouth.
     GOOD GOD!!!!!! Don't ever - and I repeat, EVER - do this to yourself! If you are ever faced with starvation and a tin of Altoids just go hungry. Trust me on this! Don't ever - EVER, EVER, EVER - attempt to suck on eight Altoids at once. It's not healthy. It will burn your entire sinus cavity right out of your head. BAD, BAD, BAD!!! They did get rid of my annoying hunger pains but that's because I was only able to focus on the HELLISH-BRIMSTONE-AGONY-OF-d'TONGUE going on in my mouth!
     "Curiously strong," my ass! DEFCON-5 is more like it! It's nine hours later and my tongue still hasn't fully recovered!

     Added Note/Update:  The PowerBall lottery is now up to $365,000,000.00!!! Obviously, I bought seven more tickets on my way home from work for tonight's drawing. Wishful thinking, I know, but - hey - it's worth a shot...

ENTRY # 87
DATE:  02/18/06 (Saturday) 9:00pm
SUBJECT:  The Bernard Pivot Questionnaire...

     I'm a big fan of the show "Inside the Actor's Studio" hosted by James Lipton. I try to watch it whenever I can no matter who the guest is. Granted, I do have my favorites -- the ones with Tommy Lee Jones, Shirley Maclaine, John Travolta, Clint Eastwood, Johnny Depp, Robert Deniro, Barbra Streisand, Tom Cruise, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed Harris, Jamie Foxx, Robin Williams, Will Smith -- were all incredible episodes but I mostly watch it for James Lipton's reactions to the answers given by the celebrity. I missed the one with Liza Minnelli a few weeks ago and that really pissed me off. She made him cry and I'm dying to know what they were talking about that affected him so. I'm guessing it was probably something to do with Judy Garland but I have no idea. Hopefully, they'll air it again so I can catch it.
     Anyway, I love the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire segment at the end. The questions are so simple yet some of the answers are pretty deep. If I am ever to become famous I wanna be on this show! Since I'm almost positive that will never happen, LOL, I figured I'd take the time now to at least answer the BPQ questions that James Lipton fires off so rapidly...

JL:  What's your favorite word?
 D:  Sensuous.
JL:  What's your least favorite word?
 D:  Hypocrisy.
JL:  What turns you on?
 D:  Music, books, a good movie, writing, photography. Mostly things that have to do with creativity... whether it's my own or someone else's.
JL:  What turns you off?
 D:  Cruelty to people... cruelty to animals. Hate'em both.
JL:  What sound or noise do you love?
 D:  The sounds horses make... whinnies, nickers... their feet trotting up a dirt road... the squeaky sounds the saddle makes as the rider shifts their weight. Great sounds!
JL:  What sound or noise do you hate?
 D:  All the sounds we heard on September 11th... planes crashing, buildings crumbling, raging fires, people screaming, crying...
JL:  What's your favorite curse word?
 D:  It's a tie between 'shit' and 'f**k.' They both come in pretty handy.
JL:  What profession other than your own would you most like to participate in?
 D:  Writing... I'd love to be an author and write books for a living.
JL:  What profession would you least like to participate in?
 D:  Toll Collector... Y'know, those people on the highway that collect your change? I think that'd suck, being cooped up in that little booth all day long, breathing in nothing but exhaust. Gross!
JL:  IF heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
 D:  He wouldn't have to say anything; His applause would be plenty.

ENTRY # 86
DATE:  02/12/06 (Sunday)
SUBJECT:  Walkin' In a Winter Wonderland...

     Not much to write about today. I've been on my couch reading all weekend thanks to a blizzard that decided to blow through Connecticut. It started snowing last night at 7:00pm and it never stopped 'til 5:00pm this evening. Good grief! We've got mounds, piles, actual MOUNTAINS of snow everywhere. The commute to work tomorrow morning will be loads of fun, I'm sure. Wonderful... I can hardly wait!
     With nothing else better to do, earlier today, I bundled up, grabbed my camera and went for a walk. After an hour I was practically frozen solid so I made my way back home. Got some pretty good pictures, though, so it was worth it.
     If you're interested and wanna take a peek here's a link to the new Blizzard page I just put up:

Feb. 12th, 2006 Blizzard

     Gotta run for now. I need to finish THAWING OUT...

ENTRY # 85
DATE:  02/11/06 (Saturday)
SUBJECT:  Ha, ha, ha!
     A veteran police dog applied for work with the FBI. "Well," said the skeptical personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words a minute." Sitting at the word processor, the dog typed 80 words in a minute with no mistakes. "Also," said the director, "you must complete the obstacle course in a minute flat." The dog needed only 50 seconds. "There's one last requirement," the director said with a sly smile. "You must be bilingual." The dog looked at him and said, "Meow!"

     Professor:  Junior, you may find this hard to believe, but there is no language in the world in which two positive words form a negative.

     Junior:  Yeah, right.

     In order to get a New York driver's license, an immigrant from Poland took an eye exam. The optician pointed to the chart on the wall that read:  C A W I X N O S T A C Z. "Can you read that?" the optician asked.

     "Read it?" the Polish immigrant replied. "I know the guy!"

ENTRY # 84
DATE:  02/08/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  I Need a Favor...

     I have a favor to ask of all of you. IF you email me with questions, comments and/or suggestions for possible entries, please put either "Dove's Daily Dish," "DDD," the entry title you're referring too, or something similar in the subject line of your email. I get so much SPAM-mail it's hard to decipher it from the authentic stuff. Since I don't want to delete any correspondence from my regular readers it would make my life much easier, y'know what I mean?
     Thanks a million!!!

ENTRY # 83
DATE:  02/03/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Entries 1 thru 50...

     Hiya Gang! I have some reading to do tonight so there won't be a "real" entry for today other than this...
     For the last couple of days I've noticed that this page is starting to load really slow. I'm sure for you DSL and Cable-modem users it's been fine but for the dial-up users, like myself, it's been loading at a snail's pace.
     To help speed things up a bit - and to keep it "dial-up friendly" - I've moved entries one through fifty to a page all their own. If you ever feel the urge to re-read the older stuff you'll find a link at the bottom of this page that'll take you right to them. You can also access them through the "Prefer an Index?" link at the top of this page.
     Anyway, that's it from me for tonight. In fact, you might not hear from me for a few days since I'm so far behind with the pile of books in my "To Be Read" pile. But, fear not, I will be back - at least - by next weekend... maybe sooner if I can squeeze in some online time. Ciao for now!

ENTRY # 82
DATE:  02/02/06 (Thursday)
SUBJECT:  $180,000,000.00...

     Right after I left work today I stopped at the Shell station right up the street to buy a pack of cigarettes. In doing so, I happened to notice that the PowerBall lottery is up to a hundred and eighty million dollars. After purchasing my smokes I had exactly six dollars left in my wallet. And, yes, I spent those few remaining dollars on PowerBall tickets. I know I'll never win - at least not anything major - but I figured six tickets is better than none, right?  ;-)
     From the Shell station to my house I kept thinking about how I'd spend all that money! $180,000,000.00 is a LOT of money... and even after taxes the amount is staggering to think (dream?) about. Can you imagine - all of a sudden - having that much money? Wooohoooooo! Wouldn't it be awesome?!?!? Damn, where would you start? What would you buy? Where would you go? Who would you "share the wealth" with? The possibilities are endless...
     The very first thing I'd do is buy my father a house. For the last thirty years or so, he's been renting the house he lives in. His Landlord is a really great guy but he's ninety-five years old now. I can't imagine he'll be living much longer so my Dad will be needing to find a new residence soon... probably very soon. So, yeah, as far as priorities go, a house for Dad is definitely at the top of my list!
     Next would be my Mom and Step-Dad, although, I have no idea what I'd actually do for them. They're both retired now and the house they live in is already paid for since they built it themselves. They already have three trucks, an ATV, a tractor, almost twenty acres of land and just about everything else they could ever possibly need. I think I'd have to just resort to giving them cash and let them figure out what to do with it. I'd love to see their faces if I handed them a check for, I dunno, ten million maybe.... That'd be cool!
     The #3 spot on my "Wish List" belongs to Jennifer, Mark and their five-year-old son, Zachary. They just bought a house a year and a half ago so I think I'd pay off their mortgage... and then I'd put Zack through college, med-school, law school - or whatever school! I'll let him decide when he's old enough. Jen and Mark both have pretty good jobs so, if I could do those two things for them, I think they'd be all set for the rest of their lives. And - of course - if they ever needed anything they wouldn't even need to ask!
     Fourth would be Adrienne and her family. I'd pay off their mortgage too so her parents wouldn't have to worry about that ever again; and then I'd buy Adrienne the car of her choice! Actually, Adrienne would get a lot more than a car. I don't know how much I'd give her exactly... I just know she'd never have to work again, that's for sure! And I know I'd hook up her sister, Kimmy, too, with a couple million...
     And... I dunno... let's see... my friends Betty and Jim up in Maine would get a couple million just because they're my friends and I love'em! I'd definitely make sure they'd get some of it for any "rainy day" situations that could possibly arise...
     Oh, God... my buddy Steve would definitely get a chunk of it! That way he could concentrate solely on his writing and nothing else!
     Adriana - my sister in Mexico - would be taken care of also. Her father recently passed away leaving behind a wife and three daughters to fend for themselves. That sucks! I'd make sure they'd have a hefty bank account to fall back on...
     And, um... I guess that's it. Whatever's left over after all that would be mine. And - oddly enough - the only thing I can think of for myself is a new car. Absolutely! A new car is a must! After that, though, I have no idea. I don't think I'd buy a house. At least not right away. Hell, I've only lived in this apartment for a year and a half - and I hate moving - so I'd probably stay here for a couple more years. Plus, I really can't decide where I'd want to buy a house anyway. After buying the new car, I guess I'd just have to spoil my cat rotten while I'm figuring out what to do with the rest of it.
     And, gee, would I actually quit my job? LOL, does a bear shit in the woods? Does a skunk stink? Do fish swim? Is the sky blue? Is water wet? You betcha! I'd quit that lousy job in the blink of an eye! After all, spoiling my cat is a full time job in itself! I wouldn't have time to work!  :-)
     Man... $180,000,000.00! That sure would be nice!

ENTRY # 81
DATE:  02/01/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Something ELSE That Annoys Me!!!

     School buses! School buses drive me crazy! ...and it just so happens I got stuck behind one today on my way to work. Goody, goody! From my house - all the way to the friggin' highway - I had to keep stopping so kids could get on the damn bus! I guess it's not technically the bus itself that pisses me off. What irritates me to no end is the fact that the bus has to stop every fifty feet so one kid can get on.
     When I was in grammar school I didn't take the bus. I walked to school. I had to walk four blocks to get there and the same four blocks to get home again - every day - starting at the age of seven, right up until the age of fourteen. And this was in Bridgeport, the armpit of Connecticut -- not one of the safest cities to be walking around in. I did live in a nice neighborhood and this was back in the late-70s/mid-80s - but even still - eight blocks (round trip) is a long way when you're only seven years old. Then - later on - when I started highschool, instead of walking directly to school, I had to walk to a bus-stop. The hike to the bus-stop was almost six blocks from my house!
     What's my point, you might ask? Well, my point is this: nowadays kids get picked up right at the end of their driveways! Each and every kid waits at the end of their own driveway for the bus to come. This is - basically - a royal pain in the ass for everyone following the bus on this particular route. Every fifty feet - from one driveway to the next - we have to stop so ONE kid can get on the damn bus! Good grief, by the time I reach the highway I'm so annoyed I'm starting to fantasize about "flooring it" and mowing down all kids that happen to cross my path!
     Why can't all the kids that live on one street walk down to the corner and "group up" - creating one bus-stop - instead of forcing us to stop thirteen f**king times on the same street?!?! I don't get it! All I know is I HAVE A JOB TO GET TO DAMMIT, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY! Do you have any idea how many times I've almost been late for work because of this? Why should I be late just because these little brats can't walk ONE block away from their own homes???
     I totally blame the parents for this. Granted, I KNOW the world isn't as safe as it used to be - but come on - give me a break! Are parents so paranoid now they can't let their kids walk six houses up the street by themselves? Well, y'know what? Here's a news flash... if your kid is gonna get snatched up by a stranger, it can happen just as easily at the end of your driveway as it can if your kid is five or six houses away. It doesn't take much. All they have to do is slow down, grab your kid and take off. Standing at the end of your driveway does not make your kid any safer. In fact, when your kid is standing alone (yes, even at the end of your own driveway), that kid is a bigger target because he/she is standing there ALONE! This isn't Rocket Science, people! If you're so concerned with your kid's safety, wouldn't you feel more secure if your kid was standing with a LARGE GROUP of other kids??? GROUP UP! MAKE ONE BIG BUS-STOP AND LET ME GET TO WORK ON TIME!!!
     And what I find even more annoying is the fact that poor little Timmy - age thirteen - isn't allowed to walk down the street to a bus-stop 'cause his Mommy is afraid something dreadful will happen to him... and chances are good this is the same thirteen year old that got his ELEVEN year old girlfriend pregnant!
     Where's the logic??? Personally, I don't have time to answer this question 'cause I'm running late THANKS TO THE SCHOOL BUS I WAS TRAPPED BEHIND ALL MORNING!!! You figure it out!

ENTRY # 80
DATE:  01/31/06 (Tuesday)
SUBJECT:  Things That Annoy Me...

Words like:  beige, feint, heifer, heist, leisure, neighbor, neither, seismic, seize, sheik, vein, and weird.... What ever happened to the "I before E, except after C" rule???

Rubiks Cube! I am thirty-six years old and STILL can't solve that damn thing!

As soon as I sit down to pee, the phone rings!

When I pull into the Dunkin Donuts Drive-Thru line and the car ahead of me places an order for all fifteen of his/her co-workers!

The fact that there is never a line for the Men's Room!

Just when I'm about to "snipe" an auction on eBay I receive a Windows "fatal error" message and have to restart my computer! Way to go, Bill Gates! I just LOVE your work!

When I reach the last page of a great book!

Is it "desert" or "dessert?" I can never remember which has one S and which has two! Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to look this up in the dictionary every time?!?!?!

When the phone rings during one of my favorite TV shows!

When I finally find the "perfect outfit" and they have every size except for mine!

Being stuck in traffic when I have to pee!

Getting stuck at EVERY SINGLE RED LIGHT when I'm in a hurry!

I'm stuck at work all week long and the weather is gorgeous... then the weekend finally comes and it rains for two days straight!

     Gee, can you tell what kind of day I had today? LOL! Oy! I should've just stayed in bed this morning!

ENTRY # 79
DATE:  01/30/06 (Monday)
SUBJECT:  Dating Services...

     Have you ever noticed how many "dating" and "singles" ads there are on TV? It's not so bad during the day but - GOOD GRIEF - late at night they're all over the place!
     I was watching "Law & Order: CI" last night and in a two hour period there were a ton of advertisements for "singles trying to hook up." After the first hour I started writing them down just so see how many I'd come up with. After doing this for a half-hour, which is only two commercial breaks, there were nine of them:

Quest Chat Line
Game-Girls Text Chat
The Night Exchange
Lava Links
The Hook-Up
Red-Hot Date Line
We-Are-18 Chat Line

     ...and I'm sure there are hundreds more. I find it hard to believe that there are any single people left in the world after seeing all these ads in such a short period of time but - apparently - there are. Otherwise I wouldn't be seeing these ads at all, right? LOL. Makes sense...
     I'm single. I've been single for over six years now and I'm perfectly happy staying single too. I can't imagine ever calling one of these chat lines to find the "love of my life," LOL. I think it's absurd.
     I do search the photos from time to time on Match.com but - honestly - it's only to see if I know any of the people in the photographs. So far I haven't recognized anyone and I guess that's a good thing. I've also never seen a photograph of someone that I'd want to talk to, or worse yet, actually want to meet. Judging by the photos I'd rather spend a quiet evening home alone reading a book!
     And I will admit that, shortly after eHarmony.com was established, I did fill out their "29 Levels of Compatibility" questionnaire. However, after sitting there for almost FOUR HOURS filling out all the questions, I totally lost interest in becoming a member so I never joined.
     Some of the questions were truly ridiculous.... they expect people to be honest but then you're faced with questions like:

If you found a wallet containing hundreds of dollars, you would:
   A. Bring the wallet to the Lost-n-Found
   B. Search the wallet for identification and return it - all contents intact - to the owner yourself, no Reward necessary
   C. Return the wallet to the owner, but you DO want a Reward
   D. The cash is now yours, the hell with the owner.
     Now, taking in consideration the fact that you want people to respond positively to your questionnaire, you're going to pick the answer that makes you look good to others.... you'd naturally pick "B" for your answer. But, most likely, your real answer would be "D" -- the cash is yours, the hell with the owner.
     And y'know what? "D" would definitely be my answer too! The only time I'd return a wallet with lots of cash in it would be if it belonged to a friend or a family member. If it belonged to a complete stranger I totally wouldn't give a shit and - YES - I would keep the money all to myself... but I'd never admit that on a "dating" survey 'cause it would make me look bad, right? That's my honest answer though... Would I get negative points for taking the cash, or positive points for being honest about it? And, frankly, I don't want people judging me by what my answer is to this question! It's ridiculous to think that a questionnaire is going to lead/mislead people into believing they know exactly what kind of person I am...
     So - anyway - knowing that other people are filling out the survey exactly the same way I am - basically lying to make themselves more appealing - do I really want to meet them? Nope! And even if I did meet them, wouldn't I be disappointed eventually when their "true self" is revealed? LOL, most likely! Then what's the point of the survey in the first place???
     If meeting people and the "world of dating" has become so complicated I want no part of it. I have better things to do with my time, y'know what I mean? I'm content being a "me" for now. There's no need for me to search out someone to form an "us." And trust me, when the time comes, I won't be searching the Personal Ads. As far as I'm concerned, Personal Ads are disasters waiting to happen; and it doesn't matter whether the ad is from TV, the paper, or online -- they all boil down to the same thing: strangers that lie to get laid.  No thanks!

ENTRY # 78
DATE:  01/29/06 (Sunday)
SUBJECT:  Today In History...

     According to today's Connecticut Post:

On this date (January 29th) in:
   1820 - Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle.
   1843 - William McKinley, the 25th president of the United States, was born in Niles, Ohio.
   1845 - Edgar Allan Poe's poem "The Raven" was first published, in the New York Evening Mirror.
   1850 - Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill on slavery that included the admission of California into the Union as a free state.
   1861 - Kansas became the 34th state of the Union.
   1900 - The American League, consisting of eight baseball teams, was organized in Philadelphia.
   1936 - The first members of baseball's Hall of Fame, including Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth, were named in Cooperstown, NY.
   1958 - Actors Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were married.
   1963 - Poet Robert Frost died at age 88.
   1979 - President Jimmy Carter welcomed Chinese Vice Premier Deng Xiaoping to the White House following the establishment of diplomatic relations.
   1990 - Former Exxon Valdez skipper Joseph Hazelwood went on trial in Anchorage, Alaska, on charges stemming from the nation's worst oil spill.
   1995 - The San Francisco 49ers became the first team in NFL history to win five Super Bowl titles, beating the San Diego Chargers 49-26 in Super Bowl XXIX.
   1998 - A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, Ala., killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding a nurse.
   1999 - The Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica Lewinsky and two presidential advisers for private, videotaped testimony in President Bill Clinton's impeachment trial.
   2004 - A suicide bomber struck a bus in Jerusalem, killing 10 Israelis.
Some Celebrity Birthdays for Jan. 29th:

W.C. Fields
John Forsythe
Sara Gilbert
Ann Jillian
Greg Louganis
Dolly Parton
Tom Selleck
Marc Singer
Oprah Winfrey

ENTRY # 77
DATE:  01/27/06 (Friday)
SUBJECT:  Not Ounces... Not Pounds... TONS!

     "TWO TONS OF MARIJUANA FOUND IN TUNNEL" was one of today's headlines on AOL's Welcome screen. I usually just close the Welcome screen when it comes up but, when I saw this headline, I had to read it...
     Apparently, some drug smugglers managed to dig a tunnel from Mexico into the United States. The tunnel is sixty feet below ground at some points, five feet high and almost half a mile long. It starts at the International Airport in Tijuana, Mexico and it ends at a vacant industrial building in Otay Mesa, California. And this isn't your average run-of-the-mill "dirt" tunnel either. Some major money went into it's construction 'cause it's got a cement floor, electricity, lights, ventilation and even a groundwater pumping system. That's impressive!
     It was discovered on Wednesday (only two days ago) and, since then, they've hauled out over two TONS of marijuana. That's a LOT of pot! Damn! I wonder what the street-value is?
     I'm also wondering this: When this tunnel was being dug, what did they do with all the dirt that came out of it? They must've concealed it somehow, right? Otherwise, there'd be a mountain of it just sitting there and I'm sure it would've caught someone's attention eventually.... I wanna know what they did with all the dirt! Did they sneak it out in their pockets - like Andy Dufresne in King's "Shawshank Redemption" - and sprinkle it around for miles? I don't get it! Where's all the dirt?
     And another thought just occurred to me... Can you imagine how many stoned rats there must be in southern California and northern Mexico right now from nibbling on - and nesting in - all that pot??? Poor little things.... I wonder how they're dealing with "the munchies."

ENTRY # 76
DATE:  01/25/06 (Wednesday)
SUBJECT:  Rest in Peace, Chris...

     Just heard the news about [actor] Chris Penn's death. He was found dead in his apartment - yesterday - by a cleaning lady. As of right now, there's no evidence of foul play... and from what the reports say, he died of natural causes in his sleep, though the exact cause of death is still unknown.
     I was truly shocked to hear that Chris had gained so much weight. The articles say he was over 270 pounds at the time of death. When I heard that, I headed straight to Google.com to find some current pictures of him. I never would've recognized him.
     I was never a big fan of his work but I loved his performance in Footloose. He was great in the "learning to dance" scenes with Kevin Bacon. I always thought he was kind'a cute... and pretty funny too!
     He was only 41 years old.... What a shame. He'll be missed by millions, I'm sure...

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